Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Spurs can't go on

Mon Oct 06 09:11AM

Every week in London, I watch you, you're woeful...

Happy Monday long-suffering Newcastle fans, at long last your ridiculous club is not quite ridiculous enough to warrant top billing on this here page.

Today that honour belongs to John Branch (Spanish name withdrawn until further notice) and his laughably poor Tottenham team - who have suffered their worst start to a season since 1912 thanks to a 1-0 mauling at the hands of Felipe Marron's Hull City.

All of which has prompted tabloid comparison to the Titantic, which sank that same year to give birth to the biggest film, like EVER! Oh and that nauseating Celine Dion number which couples continue to use at weddings despite its fairly transparent "my lover, he is dead" connotations.

Early Doors is never one to pass up the opportunity to piggyback a theme, however, and with a Simon Cowell sense of pop timing we've penned our very own version of old thin face's classic, complete with updated lyrics for your Monday amusement.

Feel free to sing along...

Every week in London, we watch you, you're woeful
This is how our season goes on...

Right across the back four, there's space in between us
Even Hull can beat us at home...

Hoddle, Carr, wherever you are
I believe that these Spurs can't go on...

Woody, Cor, you open the door
And we're leaking in goals, and come May we'll be gone, gone, gone...

Juande came to save us from smug Gunners banter
Spain is much cooler than France...(discuss)

But Bentley, Bent - and look what we've spent
You are not Jimmy Greaves or Ossie...
We're poor, and what's more, we're struggling to score
And we're sinking so fast, that come May we'll be gone, gone, gone...

We're here all week.

- - -

Back to Arsenal. Arsene Wenger's myopia when it comes to witnessing his team's short comings is the stuff of legend - though when there is no avoiding them, it is nonetheless amusing to see him wanting to give an oral sacrifice at the altar of the porcelain god.

But ED wonders whether Wenger has ever claimed to have missed one of his own side's better moments. That's exactly what potty-mouthed Joe Kinnear managed to do on Saturday.

Twice. Considering the scarcity of moments to enjoy on Tyneside at the moment, you'd think the interim boss would have bust a gut to make sure he was there when the Toon actually scored a goal that mattered.

But twice Kinnear - who was seated in the director's box and not on the bench due to an offence committed years ago - found himself in the bowels of Goodison Park when it mattered most. His eagerness to get his dressing room cup of tea whilst it was still piping hot meant he missed Steven Taylor's header just before half-time while immediately after the break his inability to back to his seat in good time saw him miss Damien Duff's equaliser.

What is it with director's boxes? They are never full when the second half restarts. Perhaps the prawn sandwiches at Goodison were particularly tasty yesterday?

- - -

QUOTE OF THE DAY: "You are only one game away from the roof caving in up there." Short and sweet, Graeme Souness knows what it's like to be manager of Newcastle.

TALKING POINT: Souness has advised Kinnear to manage the media with a little more tact, but ED suggest there isn't a more tactless man alive than the man who once planted a Galatasaray flag in the centre of Fenerbahce's pitch. Pot, kettle and black are a few words that come to mind. More examples of Souness's legendary sensitivity please.

Comments91 - 120 of 441
First
Previous
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
Next
Last

berbatov will prove that 30 million is too little for him.. just wait and see..
From m.nair89 on Mon Oct 06 11:02AM
Report abuse
no more than 10 goals out of berbatosser this season.
From martsssss on Mon Oct 06 11:08AM
Report abuse
You all just keep living in your "red" fantasy world. Come January the scousers will be sitting in 3rd or 4th place, give up on the leaugue (again), go for Europe and could easily end the season with nothing. Enjoy it while it lasts.. Chelsea is looking very impressive and the "Other Red Machine" is slowly picking up speed... Liverpool has enough quality to beat any team on a day, but they just don't have a squad capable of challenging all the way. It's gonna be a two-horse race (again)...
From jcverm on Mon Oct 06 11:09AM
Report abuse
kgh_r: Man United CONSTANTLY judge their league prospects before the season starts! And if you think about how much he costs you guys per game (ie berbaknob) at 30 mill over 2 years - after 5 games you EXPECT he will perform
im not denying that Keane has had a slowish start goal wise, but seriously - his influence on the goals in each game has not been slight by all means
Keane cost 20 mill - we have seen some true signs of greatness from him and saved ourselves 14million pound in the process, picking up Reira who has also been a choice signing - id rather the two of them against sulky berbaknob anyday who has shown what sort of "team player" he can really be with the totts ;)
statistically - Keane has better stats than berbaknob from last season anyway - 36 in 73 games, compared to 34 Goals in 85 games for berbaknob - but a hell of a lot cheaper ;) I expect we will see a repeat of this - stats never lie
From kantong_wokster on Mon Oct 06 11:11AM
Report abuse
93 - Two horse race between Liverpool & Chelsea that is!
From kevin1985kane on Mon Oct 06 11:12AM
Report abuse
more goals from berbatov than keane this season..
and jcverm u talk sense..
From m.nair89 on Mon Oct 06 11:12AM
Report abuse
100?
From kgh_r on Mon Oct 06 11:13AM
Report abuse
if berbaknob is worth 34 mill - hell I must be worth one or two myself
I can kick a ball without falling over
jcverm: whateva shish - if that "other red machine" was any slower in picking up speed it would be going faster than my grandmothers little gopher that she goes to the milk bar in - and it takes her a whole day to trek 500 metres to get milk!
From kantong_wokster on Mon Oct 06 11:14AM
Report abuse
100
From kevin1985kane on Mon Oct 06 11:14AM
Report abuse
100
From kevin1985kane on Mon Oct 06 11:14AM
Report abuse
100
From kevin1985kane on Mon Oct 06 11:14AM
Report abuse
YNWA!!
From kantong_wokster on Mon Oct 06 11:15AM
Report abuse
100
From kgh_r on Mon Oct 06 11:15AM
Report abuse
doubt it!
From jay8my on Mon Oct 06 11:16AM
Report abuse
guys can you remember that liverpool has not won the league for about a lifetime already, and altough they have promising starts season after season, they always end up short.. why do you think it is gonna change this season?
just because you've got robbie? he's a good player but benitez is rubbish.. i doubt you will get the best out of him as long as benitez is there..
From m.nair89 on Mon Oct 06 11:16AM
Report abuse
if berbaknob is 34 mill - I do believe Jason Donovan and Kyile Minogue can kick a round ball too - I'd say 2 mill for jason and 1.5 for kylie
australias most embarrasing exports (other than Kewell)
From kantong_wokster on Mon Oct 06 11:17AM
Report abuse
Come Back Kings 100 - YNWA
From kevin1985kane on Mon Oct 06 11:17AM
Report abuse
SPUR, KEEP YOUR CALM, WIN A GAME AND THE WHOLE FURTUNE WILL CHANGE. I REALLY PITY WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE COACH, THE PLAYERS AND THE FAN ESPECIALLY. THEY HAVE INVESTED SO MUCH TO BE HAVING BAD RESULT.
From shaibupeace on Mon Oct 06 11:18AM
Report abuse
cograts kev, at least a liv supporter has something to celebrate..
From m.nair89 on Mon Oct 06 11:18AM
Report abuse
95 - No Kevin, the "other" red team.
Kantong - at least your grandma gets the milk, right?
From jcverm on Mon Oct 06 11:18AM
Report abuse
m.nair - who said its "just because we have robbie"? no one here said anything of the sort
Liverpool is not a "one man team" its all about BALANCE - and that balance has been found in keane, torres and reira so far - and as for benitez - he has done well for us, thats why we now have the CL trophy now permanently on display at Anfield, you should drop by sometime ;)
From kantong_wokster on Mon Oct 06 11:19AM
Report abuse
guys how do i get an avatar?
From m.nair89 on Mon Oct 06 11:19AM
Report abuse
jcverm: by the time you guys get the milk this year jcverm - it will have curdled and turned to yoghurt... did someone say "unknown charity cup"?
From kantong_wokster on Mon Oct 06 11:21AM
Report abuse
m.nair89: how do you get an avatar?
follow these simple steps:
turn off your computer
place your head in a bucket
dont come up for air until you have recieved "divine inspiration"
From kantong_wokster on Mon Oct 06 11:22AM
Report abuse
Sam. If Man U judge their prospects early its because they've either succeeded or at least challenged the year before.
As I said, both Keane and Berb have underperformed and we should wait til at around Christmas before judging either.
I'm not bull@#$%tin sayin Man U are gonna win anything. I just can't get over the blind optimism from Liverpool fans; seriously, I would be absolutely amazed if Liverpool finished ahead of Chelsea this year!
From kgh_r on Mon Oct 06 11:22AM
Report abuse
I thought the CL trophy is at Old Trafford...? Or did you get a 5+ memorial trophy? Past glory, KW?
From jcverm on Mon Oct 06 11:23AM
Report abuse
lol by the time i make it to england im guessing that there will be more cl and league trophys at old trafford..
From m.nair89 on Mon Oct 06 11:23AM
Report abuse
kantong - what do u think would happen if gerrard or torres got injured, do u think u guys have the squad to cope?? Arsenal lost sagna and eduardo last season and that was the end of our title challenge. BTW are u saying jason & kylie are a bigger disgrace than peter andre??
From jay8my on Mon Oct 06 11:24AM
Report abuse
Steve Murrels mums a tranny
From mike_edmonds85 on Mon Oct 06 11:24AM
Report abuse
so what is good for the goose is not good for the gander hey kgh_r?
I think that part of Man United success has also come from their blind optimism in fact, and their belief in their own success - I dont think that there is anything wrong with believing in your team and being "pumped" from success - if its good for that other more "pinkish-red" team, then its good for everyone else
From kantong_wokster on Mon Oct 06 11:25AM
Report abuse