Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Joy Division

Tue Oct 07 08:42AM

Has The Times conjured up the crises at Newcastle and Tottenham (and Everton) to tie in with its giveaway of depressing CDs?

It can hardly be a coincidence that, on a day when Toon and Spurs supporters see their clubs openly mocked on the back pages, The Times is giving away a free Joy Division album, Closer.

Fans who were at White Hart Lane on Sunday can certainly relate to the opening lines of track one - Atrocity Exhibition: 'Asylums with doors open wide/Where people had paid to see inside/For entertainment they watch his body twist'

Whatever the truth, it is a triumph of joined-up journalism and an object lesson in how to profit from the misery of others. 

Tomorrow it's the Jesus and Mary Chain - sample lyric: 'Inside I feel so bad/So low I feel so sad/Feels like I'm going mad' - with New Order and Echo and the Bunnymen to come.

Football's general malaise has spread to the FA, who have seen the club versus country battle swing so far against them that Fabio Capello's insistence on picking his best player for two World Cup qualifiers is seen as 'getting tough'.

Don Fabio has refused to acquiesce to Manchester United's request that Wayne Rooney be rested for the games against Kazakhstan and Belarus. He's not injured, but United think England can win without him. If only Early Doors could muster such confidence.

Capello has pledged to select his strongest side, but Early Doors struggles to believe that - particularly if there is any truth in rumours that he will resurrect the ill-fated Frank Lampard-Steven Gerrard central midfield partnership.

- - -

Early Doors has spent its short lifetime stealing ideas, stories and jokes from other people.

So it was with bewilderment that it turned to the back page of this morning's Sun and saw Tottenham compared with the Titanic.

No surprises there, you might think - after all comparing Spurs to a sinking ship is a bit like comparing chalk with a slightly larger piece of chalk.

But the Currant Bun also saw fit to rip off ED's alternative lyrics to My Heart Will Go On with its own, slightly less funny, version (rhyming 'easy' with 'Levy'?).

So in the spirit of light-hearted plagiarism, Early Doors can sort-of exclusively reveal Ian Wright's plan to save Tottenham, first revealed to today's Sun.

Actually, ED can't be bothered. Because, like any punditry associated to the Friends Like These host, it is absolute tosh.

Let's just say the masterplan involves buying Emile Heskey and two AC Milan players. Idiot.

At least he's being constructive, which is more than can be said for many within the game.

Times like this, when the world unites in ridicule of a club, are often referred to as 'media feeding frenzies', but in fact they are nothing of the sort.

The worst culprits when it comes to pointing their finger and laughing are 'football people', presumably just relieved there is someone worse than them.

Former White Hart Lane managers David Pleat and Martin Jol have both stuck the boot in, blaming the plethora of mediocre foreigners - Pleat in particular having a go at former technical director Frank Arnesen, whose new club Chelsea are perched smugly at the top of the Premier League.

Strange, since so many of the players Arnesen brought to the club were sold in the summer - when Tottenham still had a shred of credibility - and replaced with another group of altogether more mediocre foreigners.

Hull chairman Paul Duffen broke Early Doors's self-satisfaction meter when he delightedly dismissed Spurs as "rudderless".

"There seems to be a disconnect between various elements of the club. The idea of having a director of football at Hull is very amusing to us."

- - -

QUOTE OF THE DAY: Ray Clemence pours scorn on Manuel Almunia's England hopes: "I am for English goalkeepers in the England team, as simple as that. I am sure he would be happy to play for England, but he can't get in the Spain squad, can he?" ED doesn't know if you've thought of this, Ray, but maybe Spain are better than England?

QUOTE OF THE DAY 2: Sepp Blatter weighs in on the Newcastle fire sale: "These days you can buy a football club as easily as you can buy a football jersey." Early Doors knew shirts were expensive, but £400m?

FOREIGN VIEW: One decent game, and suddenly Chelsea defender Branislav Ivanovic is a transfer target for Juventus. So is Dejan Stankovic, who was set to join the Old Lady in 2004 before fans' protests forced Juve to pull out of the deal.

COMING UP: Witness a small part of football history at 11:00 UK time, when the final UEFA Cup group stage draw EVER takes place! There are plenty of amusing English clubs in the hat, so it should be worth watching. We have got live video streaming and text comments - it means that much to us.

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