Many a slip between cup and lip
Thu May 22 08:52AM
Things looked grim for Manchester United after Cristiano Ronaldo, having shed his big-game bottler tag earlier in the evening, claimed it back with interest and missed his penalty.
Chelsea had one kick to win it, and the only thing that could save United was some good old-fashioned English blood and guts.
They got it in the form of John Terry, who showed once again that having enough courage to take a potentially decisive penalty is only half the battle. The other half is not falling over.
Penalties are not a lottery - it is one of football's most enduring and irritating myths. The match itself is much more a game of chance.
Football is a complex sport that is affected by the referee's decisions, the weather, the state of the pitch and countless unforeseen factors.
By contrast, penalties are the ultimate laboratory experiment, carried out under controlled conditions. Nothing could be less like a lottery (except perhaps Holly Willoughby).
That is not to say shootouts can't be decided by fine margins, but ultimately if you hit the outside of the post there's not much chance of the ball ending up in the back of the net.
Having seen 21 other players slip over an average of 3.64 times per minute for each of the previous 120, Terry might have known to watch his footing.
This sort of misfortune only befalls Englishmen. It recalled David Beckham's misses against Turkey (lost footing and blazed over, blamed pitch) and Portugal (blazed over, blamed defective penalty spot).
No such excuses for those of German stock, as Michael Ballack and Owen Hargreaves (sorry, but he is) buried their kicks, as did the Latin American contingent of Carlos Tevez, Anderson and Juliano Belletti.
History is written by the winners. Everyone will forget two hours of shockingly bad goalkeeping from Edwin van der Sar and focus on the moment he went from zero to hero, while there is instant redemption for Carlos Tevez, Michael Carrick and Ryan Giggs for their missed sitters.
You can say it was fate for United to win on the 50th anniversary of the Munich air crash, led up the steps by Bobby Charlton on the day Giggs broke his appearances record for the club.
But it would also have been 'fate' had Terry, Frank Lampard or Didier Drogba hit the net instead of the woodwork; if Roman Abramovich had won on home turf.
- - -
The presentation ceremony showed in a nutshell why most English fans dislike United but despise Chelsea, neatly encapsulating the difference between new money and old.
The winners were led up by Charlton, a legend for club and country and a man of such quiet dignity he wouldn't even put on his medal.
A minute or two earlier, the tearful John Terry had to traipse up behind the loathsome Peter Kenyon - a living, breathing, smirking incarnation of all that is commercial and tacky in the modern game.
Kenyon made his name as United's chief executive before jumping ship to Chelsea, where he is paid considerably more to make grandiose yet meaningless statements about turning the club into a world brand.
Publicity Pete mark II seized his moment, glad-handing all and sundry with a jaunty grin, robbing the distraught Terry of his last shred of dignity.
When a soaking, hangdog Avram Grant eventually went up, Michel Platini handed him two medals. The second can only have been for Jose Mourinho, who oversaw the early part of Chelsea's European campaign.
A conscientious sort, Grant clearly put it away for safekeeping to send to Mourinho later. So what did ED see him chucking into the crowd moments later?
(And yes, ED knows it was Drogba's. But still, can't blame Avram for getting rid of it.)
- - -
Being a continental showpiece, everyone seemed excessively concerned what foreign viewers might think.
It was generally agreed that they would appreciate both teams' commitment and hard work, despite a general lack of technique and tactical nous.
It was like they were talking about a crunch Conference North game between Leigh RMI and Blyth Spartans - even Sky were at it.
How peculiar that those people most responsible for hyping the Premier League to within an inch of its life would fall victim to such circumspection.
Presumably it is hard to see the wood for the trees when you spend your life pretending Wigan v Sunderland is the most important event since creation.
It takes a lot for Early Doors to say something positive about English football, but these teams were in the Champions League final for a reason.
The simple fact is no foreign team knocked out any of the four Premier League sides; Liverpool beat Arsenal, Chelsea beat Liverpool, United beat Chelsea. If that isn't a sign of dominance, then it is hard to know what is.
Of course next year might be different, but for the moment ED's Mediterranean cousins Doors can stick their carping up their habitually-late, scooter-riding, kissing-on-both-cheeks rear ends. Losers.
- - -
Much was made of Chelsea's extra experience, as though this were unquestionably an advantage. But when your big match experience consists largely of failure and disappointment, just how helpful is it?
Michael Ballack lost everything there is to lose with Bayer Leverkusen, while Terry and Lampard have spent years crashing out of major tournaments with England.
Yes, Florent Malouda played in the World Cup final, but Early Doors seems to remember he was crap and France lost.
When Ryan Giggs ran onto Patrice Evra's pullback, was he thinking about the open goal he missed against Arsenal in the FA Cup a few years ago? His rotten finish suggests he might have been.
Experience is overrated. Sometimes the absence of mental scars allow clarity of thought at the crucial moment.
It's all very well if you've been there, done that and bought the t-shirt, but if the t-shirt says 'I ballsed it up under pressure' it's not much use, is it?
- - -
Like Claude Makelele, Barnsley victories and Rafa Benitez's tactical genius, cramp only ever seems to show up in cup competitions.
Early Doors isn't talking about extra time - Rio Ferdinand went down in the 69th minute with it, while Frank Lampard appeared to be suffering at the same time.
A similar thing happened in the Carling Cup final, while in the 2006 FA Cup final Steven Gerrard scored his screamer of an injury-time equaliser while basically hobbling around on one leg.
Nobody ever gets cramp in the league, where it is seen as thoroughly avoidable and unprofessional - Sam Allardyce used to fine his players for it in the days when he had a job.
But introduce a knockout format and players' potassium levels seem to plummet through the floor. Bizarre.
- - -
QUOTES OF THE DAY:
"Penalties are a lottery," Ryan Giggs.
"Penalties are a lottery," Henk Ten Cate.
"Penalties are a lottery," Cristiano Ronaldo.
CHUMP OF THE DAY: Didier Drogba, obviously. His petulant little slap on Nemanja Vidic denied Chelsea one of their best penalty takers and might just have lost his side the Champions League. Early Doors actually likes Drogba, but it was an idiotic way to end his time at Stamford Bridge.
It also didn't say much about either Drogba or Avram Grant that the Chelsea boss at one point had to grab the striker by the shirt in order to stop him walking off and ignoring Grant's instructions.
FOREIGN VIEW: "Ramon, don't f*** with me about Ronaldo." Yes, that's the headline in Marca as David Gill tells Real Madrid they can't have United's penalty choke artist. The Spanish have a relaxed attitude to swearing...
TALKING POINT: alihatefi points out that Early Doors should be somewhat skint this morning after yesterday offering odds of 30,000/1 that fans would swap shirts (and signed weapons) with Russian law men: "Pay Up ED, I just saw United fans exchanging shirts with the police in the stadium!" Thankfully for the contents of the murky dungeon ED calls home, nobody snapped up those odds.
Today - So, er, what did you make of the football last night?
COMING UP: Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! That's the sound of a pantechnicon reversing into place, ready to drop off its truckload of Champions League reaction.
Match report
Video - Ronaldo: I missed but I'm still the best
Fergie to phase out veterans
No arrests (in Russia)
Grant sympathy for Terry
Drogba: Hero to zero
Player ratings: Ballack star man
Champions League final: As it happened
Photo gallery from Moscow
See? And there's more to come.
Plus the Scottish title is decided this evening, with Rangers and Celtic playing what promises to be a classic game of goal difference. Follow LIVE commentary from 7.45pm!
UNITED!!!! DOUBLE
From jacquesbittar on Thu May 22 08:55AMThats twice this season ive seen John Terry at the end of a cup final teary-eyed with a runners up medal. Its such a wonderful sight. Almost as good as seing a cocky Ronaldo miss another penalty!
From manofdann on Thu May 22 09:00AMWhat's blue and white and goes "beep, beep, beep"? The Chelsea open-top bus reversing back into it's garage...
Nice to see money can't buy everything!
From ianbec on Thu May 22 09:00AMi harte u ED, why do u have to rub it in, just got back from my exam and tuned on tho u to expect some comforting words intead i get this
From umar2050 on Thu May 22 09:04AMGreat game. It had everything- goals, dodgy refereeing decisions, penalties, a sending off and to cap it all off Terry & Ronaldo, two of football's more despicable characters, looking like idiots. Brilliant
From chrisnewman950 on Thu May 22 09:11AMhi sir alex!!!you are champ.your boys were champion another time
From asal_loos1 on Thu May 22 09:12AMWell done United, hard luck Chelsea, I did not think it would come to a penalty shoot-out, if any of those shots hitting the posts and bars had gone in , might have been a different scenario.. Will leave you guys to gloat and tease each other, cos thats what sort of a day its gonna be, so knock yourselves out people....I will catch your posts later.
From barny1158 on Thu May 22 09:16AMUmar, just before I go lad, you will not get comfort on here if thats what you are looking for!! Maybe you would be better off steering clear today, there is gonna be bucket loads of scorn aimed at your team, if you stay, hope you have the stomach for it, lol!!
From barny1158 on Thu May 22 09:19AMThe simple fact is no foreign team knocked out any of the four Premier League sides; Liverpool beat Arsenal, Chelsea beat Liverpool, United beat Chelsea. If that isn't a sign of dominance, then it is hard to know what is.
From yawboakye86 on Thu May 22 09:21AMDid Terry miss because a United player head butted the floor, causing shockwaves to disrupt the ground and so his footing? Who is that?
From dantomprez on Thu May 22 09:21AMGLORY GLORY MAN UNITED
From yawboakye86 on Thu May 22 09:21AMHeartbroken, devastated, sad. No other words. Why is it had to be Terry, the heart of Chelsea. Keep it up John, we are still behind you.
Congratulations to Man Utd.
But the rest of you, have some respect you monkeys.From al_pachino666 on Thu May 22 09:22AMianbec that's a bit harsh, but still hilarious. by the way ED, i think everybody watching the match saw the shirts, uniforms and caps being swapped. oh and by the way, the match did not finish last night for me, it was almost 2am! (i wasn't at the game - i live in the UAE)
From sebsterel on Thu May 22 09:26AMoh i think it was Ronaldo not being able to watch in agony!
From sebsterel on Thu May 22 09:27AMWell, we were talking about Van der Sar going from zero to hero; guess the same could be said of Terry-in the other sense of course. Giggs ball was goal-bound, only to be headed over by Terry. Instead of waiting that long to still lose the cup, he could have let the ball enter; he wouldn't be blaming himself that much after the match...!!
Seriously, Chelski should congratulate themselves, i didn't think they could hold Man United in an attacking game for 120' but they also dominated for the entire 2nd half.
Did anyone see Anelka's not-too-sure-about-myself-but-i-don't-care look before he went for the penalty.
And just what on earth did Essien seem to be thinking about after he lost??-Why Man United didn't keep him when he came for trials aged 16???-B'cos he's a loser!!! Man Utd just did the double...From yawboakye86 on Thu May 22 09:30AMPoetic Justice Becomes Greek Tragedy? Why did Terry let Ronaldo off the hook? Still Ronaldo probably lost a nought off estimates of his value. I noticed Hargreaves followed the German formula: hit it hard in to a corner of the net. End of Anelka's career? Next stop Bristol, Scunthorpe, Lincoln City? Poor Anelka the chump nobody noticed.
From james_ssmith on Thu May 22 09:30AMDid anyone else notice the striking resemblance between Drogba and Zidane? They both played their last game (Possibly in Drogba's case) for the 'Blues' in a final, they both got a red for hitting one of the opponents and they have both possibly cost their team the title by not participating in the penalty shoot out.
From yehia18 on Thu May 22 09:31AMWhat I really liked was the regular egotists looking like utter failures, letting us forget they actually played some good football. Ronaldo missing made my day, and JT slipping (and the reaction of the rest of the Chelsea squad) was hilarious. Personally, I thought the best part was Anelka proving he 'just happens to be the best' - at being a complete incompetent and choker at precisely the right moment, I might add. He can sympathise with Drogba, because Vidic probably insulted his mother (though headbutting is a bit more manly than bitchslapping).
From oephyx on Thu May 22 09:32AMrotten captain for a @%$#^ club side n rotten captain... sorry former captain, of d english national side. small wonder ferdinand wears d band these days. am an arsenal fan but today its em.... em.... word up united.
From ufuoma.akpomedaye on Thu May 22 09:33AMI live in the UAE..in dubai..yea wat a game watched the whole thing til the end... couldn't stand still...saw chelsea fans burst into tears..feel kinda sorry for JT...but as usual. WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!!! by the way ED.. you can't say 'shocking' goalkeeping from VDS...you're crazy...he played amazing...some of your writing is gud..the rest........
From mu_da_best on Thu May 22 09:35AMChampiones !!!!!!!!!!
From nikyates on Thu May 22 09:36AMyou said the other medal grant picked up was for mourinho, if you truly believe this then your not a very good football journalist as the rest of the country noticed that the medal was for drogba as he had been sent off and not allowed back out
From alexlittlemore on Thu May 22 09:37AMTo ufuoma.akpomedaye
You freaking @#$%. None in your Arsenal club even half a man as John Terry. At least we have been there till the end, whether you ars-eh-anal not even close.From al_pachino666 on Thu May 22 09:38AMStill drunk and can't seem to win the battle with my hangover, so I won't do much writing today. Luckily didn't get arrested last night.
@Chelsea fans: ur team played well. It's a privilege having to win the final playing with Chelsea. Only a team of such calibre deserves to give United a run for its money. Bravo to u guys. To the team for it's great football. To u fans, for ur never-ending support. Bravo.
We are the Champions again. I know we deserve it. I know we worked hard for it. We are the Champions.
P.S. Ronaldo isn't leaving United this summer. Live with it.
From tosinsbox on Thu May 22 09:46AMI think someone should pen new words to the song "We're simply the best" especially for Chelsea, and the new title should be "We're simply second best." Think about it,....second in the Champions League; second in the Premier league; second in the League Cup; and, er,....let's not talk about the F.A. Cup eh? (From a Tottenham supporter.)
From philipbennison on Thu May 22 09:47AMTREBLEEEEEE
PREMIER LEAGUE
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE
COMMUNITY SHIELD (yeh it's still silverware)Anyone catch Nani and Anderson dancing like clowns with Giggs just looking at them like wtf lol
From double_t_uk2002 on Thu May 22 09:49AM@ ED: u keep sounding like an immature fella who just can't handle the pain of defeat. Everyone should be able to voice his opinion, but ur pathetic journalism (if I can even call it that) will end up chasing peeps off this forum. Of course the same people will sill post 100 or more times a day. A club just won the Champions League and all u can do is whine about the things that went wrong. U disgust me.
From tosinsbox on Thu May 22 09:50AMTo tosinsbox
Well said tosinsbox, well said. You seems as a decent lad. Congratulations to you and to Man Utd. I cried yesterday, got drunk, couldn't go to sleep. Suffering from a hangover, but unlike you, with a @#$% mood ....From al_pachino666 on Thu May 22 09:51AMwhat a great match, whoever won it didn't matter, whoever lost would get no sympathy, but this was fab, I howled at John Terry, the big jessie! I hope he gets some stick from the terraces next season.
The only decent people there were Bobby Charlton and Ryan Giggs, well done !
From s.spilsbury777 on Thu May 22 09:51AMchelsea and terry are one. in every fight there is a winner, keep close and tight we still behind you dont mind the devils it was their night. ackiss my a***.
From athachids on Thu May 22 09:52AM
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