Many a slip between cup and lip
Thu May 22 08:52AM
Things looked grim for Manchester United after Cristiano Ronaldo, having shed his big-game bottler tag earlier in the evening, claimed it back with interest and missed his penalty.
Chelsea had one kick to win it, and the only thing that could save United was some good old-fashioned English blood and guts.
They got it in the form of John Terry, who showed once again that having enough courage to take a potentially decisive penalty is only half the battle. The other half is not falling over.
Penalties are not a lottery - it is one of football's most enduring and irritating myths. The match itself is much more a game of chance.
Football is a complex sport that is affected by the referee's decisions, the weather, the state of the pitch and countless unforeseen factors.
By contrast, penalties are the ultimate laboratory experiment, carried out under controlled conditions. Nothing could be less like a lottery (except perhaps Holly Willoughby).
That is not to say shootouts can't be decided by fine margins, but ultimately if you hit the outside of the post there's not much chance of the ball ending up in the back of the net.
Having seen 21 other players slip over an average of 3.64 times per minute for each of the previous 120, Terry might have known to watch his footing.
This sort of misfortune only befalls Englishmen. It recalled David Beckham's misses against Turkey (lost footing and blazed over, blamed pitch) and Portugal (blazed over, blamed defective penalty spot).
No such excuses for those of German stock, as Michael Ballack and Owen Hargreaves (sorry, but he is) buried their kicks, as did the Latin American contingent of Carlos Tevez, Anderson and Juliano Belletti.
History is written by the winners. Everyone will forget two hours of shockingly bad goalkeeping from Edwin van der Sar and focus on the moment he went from zero to hero, while there is instant redemption for Carlos Tevez, Michael Carrick and Ryan Giggs for their missed sitters.
You can say it was fate for United to win on the 50th anniversary of the Munich air crash, led up the steps by Bobby Charlton on the day Giggs broke his appearances record for the club.
But it would also have been 'fate' had Terry, Frank Lampard or Didier Drogba hit the net instead of the woodwork; if Roman Abramovich had won on home turf.
- - -
The presentation ceremony showed in a nutshell why most English fans dislike United but despise Chelsea, neatly encapsulating the difference between new money and old.
The winners were led up by Charlton, a legend for club and country and a man of such quiet dignity he wouldn't even put on his medal.
A minute or two earlier, the tearful John Terry had to traipse up behind the loathsome Peter Kenyon - a living, breathing, smirking incarnation of all that is commercial and tacky in the modern game.
Kenyon made his name as United's chief executive before jumping ship to Chelsea, where he is paid considerably more to make grandiose yet meaningless statements about turning the club into a world brand.
Publicity Pete mark II seized his moment, glad-handing all and sundry with a jaunty grin, robbing the distraught Terry of his last shred of dignity.
When a soaking, hangdog Avram Grant eventually went up, Michel Platini handed him two medals. The second can only have been for Jose Mourinho, who oversaw the early part of Chelsea's European campaign.
A conscientious sort, Grant clearly put it away for safekeeping to send to Mourinho later. So what did ED see him chucking into the crowd moments later?
(And yes, ED knows it was Drogba's. But still, can't blame Avram for getting rid of it.)
- - -
Being a continental showpiece, everyone seemed excessively concerned what foreign viewers might think.
It was generally agreed that they would appreciate both teams' commitment and hard work, despite a general lack of technique and tactical nous.
It was like they were talking about a crunch Conference North game between Leigh RMI and Blyth Spartans - even Sky were at it.
How peculiar that those people most responsible for hyping the Premier League to within an inch of its life would fall victim to such circumspection.
Presumably it is hard to see the wood for the trees when you spend your life pretending Wigan v Sunderland is the most important event since creation.
It takes a lot for Early Doors to say something positive about English football, but these teams were in the Champions League final for a reason.
The simple fact is no foreign team knocked out any of the four Premier League sides; Liverpool beat Arsenal, Chelsea beat Liverpool, United beat Chelsea. If that isn't a sign of dominance, then it is hard to know what is.
Of course next year might be different, but for the moment ED's Mediterranean cousins Doors can stick their carping up their habitually-late, scooter-riding, kissing-on-both-cheeks rear ends. Losers.
- - -
Much was made of Chelsea's extra experience, as though this were unquestionably an advantage. But when your big match experience consists largely of failure and disappointment, just how helpful is it?
Michael Ballack lost everything there is to lose with Bayer Leverkusen, while Terry and Lampard have spent years crashing out of major tournaments with England.
Yes, Florent Malouda played in the World Cup final, but Early Doors seems to remember he was crap and France lost.
When Ryan Giggs ran onto Patrice Evra's pullback, was he thinking about the open goal he missed against Arsenal in the FA Cup a few years ago? His rotten finish suggests he might have been.
Experience is overrated. Sometimes the absence of mental scars allow clarity of thought at the crucial moment.
It's all very well if you've been there, done that and bought the t-shirt, but if the t-shirt says 'I ballsed it up under pressure' it's not much use, is it?
- - -
Like Claude Makelele, Barnsley victories and Rafa Benitez's tactical genius, cramp only ever seems to show up in cup competitions.
Early Doors isn't talking about extra time - Rio Ferdinand went down in the 69th minute with it, while Frank Lampard appeared to be suffering at the same time.
A similar thing happened in the Carling Cup final, while in the 2006 FA Cup final Steven Gerrard scored his screamer of an injury-time equaliser while basically hobbling around on one leg.
Nobody ever gets cramp in the league, where it is seen as thoroughly avoidable and unprofessional - Sam Allardyce used to fine his players for it in the days when he had a job.
But introduce a knockout format and players' potassium levels seem to plummet through the floor. Bizarre.
- - -
QUOTES OF THE DAY:
"Penalties are a lottery," Ryan Giggs.
"Penalties are a lottery," Henk Ten Cate.
"Penalties are a lottery," Cristiano Ronaldo.
CHUMP OF THE DAY: Didier Drogba, obviously. His petulant little slap on Nemanja Vidic denied Chelsea one of their best penalty takers and might just have lost his side the Champions League. Early Doors actually likes Drogba, but it was an idiotic way to end his time at Stamford Bridge.
It also didn't say much about either Drogba or Avram Grant that the Chelsea boss at one point had to grab the striker by the shirt in order to stop him walking off and ignoring Grant's instructions.
FOREIGN VIEW: "Ramon, don't f*** with me about Ronaldo." Yes, that's the headline in Marca as David Gill tells Real Madrid they can't have United's penalty choke artist. The Spanish have a relaxed attitude to swearing...
TALKING POINT: alihatefi points out that Early Doors should be somewhat skint this morning after yesterday offering odds of 30,000/1 that fans would swap shirts (and signed weapons) with Russian law men: "Pay Up ED, I just saw United fans exchanging shirts with the police in the stadium!" Thankfully for the contents of the murky dungeon ED calls home, nobody snapped up those odds.
Today - So, er, what did you make of the football last night?
COMING UP: Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! That's the sound of a pantechnicon reversing into place, ready to drop off its truckload of Champions League reaction.
Match report
Video - Ronaldo: I missed but I'm still the best
Fergie to phase out veterans
No arrests (in Russia)
Grant sympathy for Terry
Drogba: Hero to zero
Player ratings: Ballack star man
Champions League final: As it happened
Photo gallery from Moscow
See? And there's more to come.
Plus the Scottish title is decided this evening, with Rangers and Celtic playing what promises to be a classic game of goal difference. Follow LIVE commentary from 7.45pm!
@#$% comments today from the closet United fans. I will wait for tomorrow's ED and hopefully then the comments will make more sense than a jock strap.
From the_kop2003 on Thu May 22 09:52AMThe only high point of last night was Ashley being denied another Champions League medal.
A beautiful site that warms the cockels of the heart.
From lonzuk on Thu May 22 09:56AMOne thing though - the medal he collected was not for Jose. It was for Drogba; red card or not, players still get their medals if they are part of the team, just as subs get the medals even if they are not fielded. I would really like to know what he threw into the crowd though; could it really have been his own medal?
From tomsmithbloke on Thu May 22 09:56AMHave to admit i chuckled when Terry slipped. All in all a good, entertaining game and a prime example of how Champions League finals should be. Didn't take long for the E-mails to arrive. i just got one a minute ago with picture of a yellow slippery floor sign, modified to say "Caution: John Terry". Excellent.
From kevmun82 on Thu May 22 09:57AMsav46e quiet today! DOUBLE WINNERS 08!!!
From agentblue_99 on Thu May 22 09:59AMI do believe Chelski fans are hiding under their rocks....but this is not about how they lost...Its about how United won....CHAMPIONS OF ENGLAND & EUROPE!!
THE PERFECT TRIBUTE TO THE LIVES LOST IN 58'...WE WILL NEVER FORGET !!! GLORY GLORY MAN UNITED!!!!From jpaes28 on Thu May 22 09:59AMjpaes28 : It was a fitting tribute to the busby babes '58 and the lions of lisbon '68. Vindication for the greatest manager in football to get his hands on the big one again!!! UNITED FOREVER
From agentblue_99 on Thu May 22 10:02AMHahahahaha!!!! Glory, Glory!! Chelsea, Arsenal, Liverpuddle - you're all LOSERS!!! hahahaha!!!
From paulathompson15 on Thu May 22 10:02AMPhew! thank God thats all over - now I can enjoy watching us being stuffed by New Zealand in the test series...
From nickrichco on Thu May 22 10:03AMGreat reaction from Grant, claiming 'We dominated the game and then we lost on penalties' and of JT 'He is the reason they didn't create any chances'. I always thought his eyes were a bit dodgy, but i didn't think he actually sees things (maye he can see other zombies). Thinking of Drogba, he could at least have lended his rocket powered space boots with integrated limited slip differential to John Terry.
From oephyx on Thu May 22 10:07AMChampionies, Championies, Ole, Ole, Ole!!! Terry missed the pen on purpose and his crying was just an act, seeing as he is a boyhood Man United fan. Happy Days!!!
From antonyslack on Thu May 22 10:08AMWell, now it's over, we can concentrate on the REAL 'Game of Games', the game that will seal the fate of two clubs, separate the men from the boys, see one team crowned Champions and the other left as an abject bunch of losers. THE GAME OF DESTINY ON SUPER DUPER THUNDEROUS THURSDAY.....IT IS.........er, Aberdeen v Rangers in the EssPeeEll.
Wonder if Sky have got any Hype jobs going?
From kevmun82 on Thu May 22 10:09AMTo tosinsbox and all the others who perpetually whine on about the quality of ED:
If you want to read about the game itself, buy a paper! ED is meant to be an irreverent look at all things footy and does a mighty good job, especially when it's a daily! Keep it up ED!
From dannykershaw on Thu May 22 10:11AMI'm sure John Terry won't be crying all the way to the bank next season!!!!
From peterhaworth719 on Thu May 22 10:13AMChelski Football Club (CFC) - £140 million.
Megastar Players - Over £100 million.
An all-expense paid trip to Moscow 2008 - Roughly £5 million.
Seeing Chelski failing to win the CL again - FREAKING PRICELESS.There are some things money can't buy. For others, there's always Roman Abramovich.
From zerosofinfinity on Thu May 22 10:15AMnooooooooo i cant belive chelsea didnt win last nite am upset but am very proud of chelsea i was nearly crying when terry missed it was soo sad but we will be back next yr and we will dooo it i know it. welldone to united even though the best team lost!!!. come on the blues next yr were coming bk bigger and better them b4
chelse- BEST TEAM EVER
From ladys20 on Thu May 22 10:16AMWhat was that pushing, showing and bictslaping all about? Well at least Vidic stayed on his feet and did't go down like he was KO by heavyweight champion! Don't think i'd be saying this if roles were reversed.
From trush217 on Thu May 22 10:16AMand another huge slice of humble pie for Chelsea please - want custard or gravy on that luv?
From nickrichco on Thu May 22 10:20AMtrush - Vidic wouldn't have known about it, would he? He was too busy filming Borat in Romania with his three wives, instead of watching a fourteen stone man go down like a four year old girl.
From oephyx on Thu May 22 10:27AMDrogba is a disgrace, even Chelsea fans knows that. Honestly, I hope he will leave this summer or change his profession to a drama artist.
From al_pachino666 on Thu May 22 10:33AMIt just astonishes me at what everyone is forgetting....
Manchester United shouldn't be congratulating Van Der Sar or any of their other players...
I think its safe to say that everyone within the United circles will be having a pint of beer dedicated towards...........YES, Umbro.
Truly astonishing stuff, they win the Champions League for United, in turn i think from memory thats about a 100 million dollar pay day for them and they don't even get a thank you or anything of that manner. I believe Nike (Man Utd) and Umbro are working together in a conspiracy theory against Adidas (Chelsea). C'mon fellas like what were the chances that Terry would slip over while taking the biggest single kick in Chelsea's history, it wasn't like it was just a freak accident because of the wet and slippery conditions
. Of course Umbro made sure that it would make the the studs on his left boot just that fraction shorter, of course leading to Terry slipping over and missing... all in the knowledge that the game would go into extra time.Umbro = European Champions
Ah well just food for thought....
From saanasmaro on Thu May 22 10:35AMAl pachino we came even closer. Holding Barca with only ten men. Yep, another red card decides the final. Grant to get rid of Drogba on a free transfer? Nah, Grant will PAY to get rid of him now.
From eliotot on Thu May 22 10:37AMGreat match for the neutral and a well-fought victory for United. Laughed my socks off when Terry missed his penalty and Drogba received his marching orders - couldnt have happened to a nicer blokes. Felt sorry for Lampard in all seriousness though.
From northern_hamster on Thu May 22 10:42AMWhy so much scorn for Terry? What has he done? Someone enlighten me please!
From eliotot on Thu May 22 10:42AMthats a good idea barny, i should stay clear unless i wanna feel really sick again,
hmm but saanasmaro u have a point, why does Terry wear those substandard crappy Umbro boots, surely he can manage to get a contract with Adidas, and not too mention the fact that it was space shoe wearing Nike boy who slapped Vidic too get sent off,
From umar2050 on Thu May 22 10:43AMDid anyone watching the Sky Sports coverage of the game last night notice how high the commentators sounded? Every other comment made the pair proceeded with a range of inane chuckles about how funny they found something on the pitch or how excited they were to be staying up so late. Are drugs cheap in Russia?
From thomascousins99 on Thu May 22 10:44AMahh well i can take the insult, thats not a problem Barny, the only thing is if we had played @#$% and lost i would have been able to accpet it much easily, BUT hitting the post, the bar, and the post again, Really makes the hurt, hurt even more
From umar2050 on Thu May 22 10:45AMTerry? Didnt he p!ss on a table in a bar recently? And is the first to go down in a heap when tackled, yet goes in all heavy handed on his opponents and then simply walks away? I've also seen him do that thing whereby players pretend to be peacekeepers when there's a squabble, but are actually getting a dig in on their opponent and saying inflammatory things! Not to mention crowding and yelling at (and even shoving) the ref when a decision goes against his side...
From northern_hamster on Thu May 22 10:46AManother thing, as someone else said, why did it have to be Terry who missed, wish he had scored but someone else (except Lampard/Ballack) had missed. that would have been a bit easier to take
From umar2050 on Thu May 22 10:46AMso many comments already.
I'll put in ma piece then let people tear into me. I may be logging off to actually do work all day so may not see all the replies but oh well.
Chelsea were the better team! I think! 1st half Man U were best team but because Chelsea were terrible. After that Chelsea dominated. Clearly controlled the game and it wasnt cause Man U were @#$%.
Terry's penalty had sent Van der sar(who was rotten) the wrong way so if a tiny slip hadnt happened then Chelsea would have won. U cant deny that!!! so basically Man U won from a slip. To me it makes Chelsea the winners.
I made the mistake of watchin on Sky, forgettin they wopuld be against Chelsea.
I aint gonna say Drogba does nothin wrong but wen he fell and hurt his back he was gettin slaughtered, he didnt ebven moan about it bein a foul or anythin this time. Got sprayed n stretched n got back on.
Also read the players ratings on Yahoo this morning n ahave to say how wrong they were.
Didnt think Ed would write this thing without somehow giving Liverpool a comment so well done there, couldnt write Gerrards goal had to be his screamer.
I'll also take it as a jke bout the Mourinho medal.
And to whoever says the "oh so money cant buy you everything" thats my most hated thing someone could say. Biggest pile a @#$% Ive heard. Chelsea only ones that buy players are they?
So there is my rant. Cant wait to see folk try abuse me. I prob wont get chance to @#$% back on so cheers for reading if you did!
From sav46e on Thu May 22 10:47AM
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