Many a slip between cup and lip
Thu May 22 08:52AM
Things looked grim for Manchester United after Cristiano Ronaldo, having shed his big-game bottler tag earlier in the evening, claimed it back with interest and missed his penalty.
Chelsea had one kick to win it, and the only thing that could save United was some good old-fashioned English blood and guts.
They got it in the form of John Terry, who showed once again that having enough courage to take a potentially decisive penalty is only half the battle. The other half is not falling over.
Penalties are not a lottery - it is one of football's most enduring and irritating myths. The match itself is much more a game of chance.
Football is a complex sport that is affected by the referee's decisions, the weather, the state of the pitch and countless unforeseen factors.
By contrast, penalties are the ultimate laboratory experiment, carried out under controlled conditions. Nothing could be less like a lottery (except perhaps Holly Willoughby).
That is not to say shootouts can't be decided by fine margins, but ultimately if you hit the outside of the post there's not much chance of the ball ending up in the back of the net.
Having seen 21 other players slip over an average of 3.64 times per minute for each of the previous 120, Terry might have known to watch his footing.
This sort of misfortune only befalls Englishmen. It recalled David Beckham's misses against Turkey (lost footing and blazed over, blamed pitch) and Portugal (blazed over, blamed defective penalty spot).
No such excuses for those of German stock, as Michael Ballack and Owen Hargreaves (sorry, but he is) buried their kicks, as did the Latin American contingent of Carlos Tevez, Anderson and Juliano Belletti.
History is written by the winners. Everyone will forget two hours of shockingly bad goalkeeping from Edwin van der Sar and focus on the moment he went from zero to hero, while there is instant redemption for Carlos Tevez, Michael Carrick and Ryan Giggs for their missed sitters.
You can say it was fate for United to win on the 50th anniversary of the Munich air crash, led up the steps by Bobby Charlton on the day Giggs broke his appearances record for the club.
But it would also have been 'fate' had Terry, Frank Lampard or Didier Drogba hit the net instead of the woodwork; if Roman Abramovich had won on home turf.
- - -
The presentation ceremony showed in a nutshell why most English fans dislike United but despise Chelsea, neatly encapsulating the difference between new money and old.
The winners were led up by Charlton, a legend for club and country and a man of such quiet dignity he wouldn't even put on his medal.
A minute or two earlier, the tearful John Terry had to traipse up behind the loathsome Peter Kenyon - a living, breathing, smirking incarnation of all that is commercial and tacky in the modern game.
Kenyon made his name as United's chief executive before jumping ship to Chelsea, where he is paid considerably more to make grandiose yet meaningless statements about turning the club into a world brand.
Publicity Pete mark II seized his moment, glad-handing all and sundry with a jaunty grin, robbing the distraught Terry of his last shred of dignity.
When a soaking, hangdog Avram Grant eventually went up, Michel Platini handed him two medals. The second can only have been for Jose Mourinho, who oversaw the early part of Chelsea's European campaign.
A conscientious sort, Grant clearly put it away for safekeeping to send to Mourinho later. So what did ED see him chucking into the crowd moments later?
(And yes, ED knows it was Drogba's. But still, can't blame Avram for getting rid of it.)
- - -
Being a continental showpiece, everyone seemed excessively concerned what foreign viewers might think.
It was generally agreed that they would appreciate both teams' commitment and hard work, despite a general lack of technique and tactical nous.
It was like they were talking about a crunch Conference North game between Leigh RMI and Blyth Spartans - even Sky were at it.
How peculiar that those people most responsible for hyping the Premier League to within an inch of its life would fall victim to such circumspection.
Presumably it is hard to see the wood for the trees when you spend your life pretending Wigan v Sunderland is the most important event since creation.
It takes a lot for Early Doors to say something positive about English football, but these teams were in the Champions League final for a reason.
The simple fact is no foreign team knocked out any of the four Premier League sides; Liverpool beat Arsenal, Chelsea beat Liverpool, United beat Chelsea. If that isn't a sign of dominance, then it is hard to know what is.
Of course next year might be different, but for the moment ED's Mediterranean cousins Doors can stick their carping up their habitually-late, scooter-riding, kissing-on-both-cheeks rear ends. Losers.
- - -
Much was made of Chelsea's extra experience, as though this were unquestionably an advantage. But when your big match experience consists largely of failure and disappointment, just how helpful is it?
Michael Ballack lost everything there is to lose with Bayer Leverkusen, while Terry and Lampard have spent years crashing out of major tournaments with England.
Yes, Florent Malouda played in the World Cup final, but Early Doors seems to remember he was crap and France lost.
When Ryan Giggs ran onto Patrice Evra's pullback, was he thinking about the open goal he missed against Arsenal in the FA Cup a few years ago? His rotten finish suggests he might have been.
Experience is overrated. Sometimes the absence of mental scars allow clarity of thought at the crucial moment.
It's all very well if you've been there, done that and bought the t-shirt, but if the t-shirt says 'I ballsed it up under pressure' it's not much use, is it?
- - -
Like Claude Makelele, Barnsley victories and Rafa Benitez's tactical genius, cramp only ever seems to show up in cup competitions.
Early Doors isn't talking about extra time - Rio Ferdinand went down in the 69th minute with it, while Frank Lampard appeared to be suffering at the same time.
A similar thing happened in the Carling Cup final, while in the 2006 FA Cup final Steven Gerrard scored his screamer of an injury-time equaliser while basically hobbling around on one leg.
Nobody ever gets cramp in the league, where it is seen as thoroughly avoidable and unprofessional - Sam Allardyce used to fine his players for it in the days when he had a job.
But introduce a knockout format and players' potassium levels seem to plummet through the floor. Bizarre.
- - -
QUOTES OF THE DAY:
"Penalties are a lottery," Ryan Giggs.
"Penalties are a lottery," Henk Ten Cate.
"Penalties are a lottery," Cristiano Ronaldo.
CHUMP OF THE DAY: Didier Drogba, obviously. His petulant little slap on Nemanja Vidic denied Chelsea one of their best penalty takers and might just have lost his side the Champions League. Early Doors actually likes Drogba, but it was an idiotic way to end his time at Stamford Bridge.
It also didn't say much about either Drogba or Avram Grant that the Chelsea boss at one point had to grab the striker by the shirt in order to stop him walking off and ignoring Grant's instructions.
FOREIGN VIEW: "Ramon, don't f*** with me about Ronaldo." Yes, that's the headline in Marca as David Gill tells Real Madrid they can't have United's penalty choke artist. The Spanish have a relaxed attitude to swearing...
TALKING POINT: alihatefi points out that Early Doors should be somewhat skint this morning after yesterday offering odds of 30,000/1 that fans would swap shirts (and signed weapons) with Russian law men: "Pay Up ED, I just saw United fans exchanging shirts with the police in the stadium!" Thankfully for the contents of the murky dungeon ED calls home, nobody snapped up those odds.
Today - So, er, what did you make of the football last night?
COMING UP: Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! That's the sound of a pantechnicon reversing into place, ready to drop off its truckload of Champions League reaction.
Match report
Video - Ronaldo: I missed but I'm still the best
Fergie to phase out veterans
No arrests (in Russia)
Grant sympathy for Terry
Drogba: Hero to zero
Player ratings: Ballack star man
Champions League final: As it happened
Photo gallery from Moscow
See? And there's more to come.
Plus the Scottish title is decided this evening, with Rangers and Celtic playing what promises to be a classic game of goal difference. Follow LIVE commentary from 7.45pm!
once again utd all the luck
From faloon_john on Thu May 22 12:34PM.
Was it me or did I see Roman Abramovich sitting on a throne?
From gdsvalentine on Thu May 22 12:47PMNo i wasn't ******. I Was just a bit delirious. It was a good job i wasn't hanging about Stamford Bridge last night though. Sounds as if it got a bit nasty. The chelsea fans must have been arguing over Titier Drogba. Someone probably said, 'i think we should sell the ****'. At which point another Chelsea fan said, 'No you ****, we should kill the ****'. Anyway, trust Didier Drogba to do the right thing. He doesn't bother lifting a finger to help you win your first European Cup-but he will take the time to inspire a full scale riot 4 and a half thousand miles away.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 22 12:52PMthere was no mention of yesterday's comment of spurs having more chance of breaking into the top 4 than the violence you expected in moscow from the fans, does this mean that i should put money on my team spurs finishing in the top 4?
From martinday on Thu May 22 12:58PMhi samuelbanks,
anyone else thinks that Titier got a red card on purpose? i mean it was obvious the match was gonna go to penalties and he felt that he wasn't up to take one, and as telling Avram that he didn't want to take one would show everyone was a man he was and so he did the sensible thing (in his mind) and slapped vidic
From umar2050 on Thu May 22 01:00PMim having a nice crisp £20 of yours on spurs to get a top 4 spot after your crass comment yesterday, well behaved the fans were in moscow, pity they weren't in london, but it was only 12
From roxydgurl on Thu May 22 01:00PManyone like this comment?
From sav46e on Thu May 22 01:01PMi love it sav46
From umar2050 on Thu May 22 01:03PMI was quite proud of it. thank you!
From sav46e on Thu May 22 01:04PMWhat on earth do some people watch? Take a look at the video entitled 'Lampard slams final ref'. Slammed?. I don't think so.That's what you call serious exaggeration.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 22 01:05PMu r welcome sav
From umar2050 on Thu May 22 01:08PMoh and once again Cingrats sammy and ManU
From umar2050 on Thu May 22 01:10PMUmar
Didier Drogba is a disgrace to football. I don't know whether he tried to get himself sent off on purpose. But i wouldn't put it past him. He's very in touch with his feminine side, thats for sure. What was the slapping all about? Has he never heard of a punch? Hard luck anyway mateFrom samuelbanks on Thu May 22 01:13PMu cant abuse sum1 for slappin sum1 cause they didnt punch them when if they did punch them ud go off ur head at them.
Im sayin that although I agree, a good punch would sort them out. If ur gettin sent off make it worth while.
Ive actually cheered up bout not winning already. its jst good for gloating when you win. but win some n lose sum. just would rather be winner the now.
dnt no y people dnt like terry all of a suddden. model professional!
I love Drogba!(awaiting abuse)
From sav46e on Thu May 22 01:20PMWhat poetic justice last night was. Moneybags Abramovich loses in his back yard, £500 million down. Mr Chelsea, JT, misses after his usual match ranting at the the ref. Drogba gets his come uppance for being a petulant, cheating prima donna. And best of all Le Sulk, ex Arsenal, ex Liverpool, ex Man City fluffs the last pen.
Up yours Chelsea. This is why you will NEVER be as big as United.
From grahamnpotter on Thu May 22 01:26PMIs it me or does Lampard's comments reference "we completely dominated the game and created countless chances" fall a little short of the mark? I can only remember 3 real decent chances for Chelsea, 1 curtesy of 2 deflections and a slip by the goalkeeper (resulting in their goal) after a scuffed shot by Essien, and 2 shots that hit the post (which means they were NOT even on target). At least Man U had 4 decent chances, 1 being the goal by Ron, and the other 3 resulting in 2 great saves by Cech and a goal line clearance by JT all certain goals (which means they WERE on target). HT stats of 68% to Man U & 32% to Chelsea, doesn't seem like domination to me. Albeit they did dominate the 2nd half...but to what end? Yes Man U were lucky with JT slipping...but they still put their penalties away, Chelsea (e.g. Anelka) couldn't even manage that. Thus the best team won. Just look at the stats...they say it all.
From bxhodgso on Thu May 22 01:32PMIf the referee had been allowed to bring his labrador and white stick on the pitch he may not have missed the two forearm smashes from Teves and Evra long before he sent off Drogba for wiping a lipstick smudge off Vivic's face.
From swjdear on Thu May 22 01:35PMGunners for Life!!!
Arsenal is still the best club in Europe...
From kukuski on Thu May 22 01:35PMWell said Tosinbox, some of the stuff ED said was total rubbish! Van Der Sar never had much to do and when he did they hit wood work. What can he do! the defense was solid again, and united was unlucky to concede that goal (Van Der Sar slipped), but i guess Terry's penalty did that justice. Yes, and ed what experience is overrated? Your forgetting who won it last year, i mean as well having the unstoppable Kaka last year, he wasn't the only performer and most of that team was over thirty! Now they put the ghost of Liverpool to rest, Milan are short of one thing now....hunger! Thats right, thats what it was all about last night, and you can't fault any of the teams in that. The penalties was all down to bottle, and fortunately a slippery pitch. In the United victorious, Ed don't be a plonker!
From shakes8403 on Thu May 22 01:37PMOnce again the chance give victory to man utd....
From dany_bou_boutros on Thu May 22 01:38PMWhatever happened to the stiff upper lip? Big boys don't cry. Bring back the birch and national service and the maximum wage, though some of them aren't even worth that!
From james_ssmith on Thu May 22 01:57PMED, very good point about penalties. They aren't a lottery. You either have the ability to score from 12 yards or you don't. On the subject of Van de Sar though-what game were you watching?
From samuelbanks on Thu May 22 01:59PMmartinday
As a fellow Spurs fan I seem to remember that we were going to break into the top 4 last season. And the season before. And the season before that. The way we played since the Carling Cup we're more likely to break into the bottom 4 next year !!From mpasc66 on Thu May 22 02:00PMI have never seen a footballer so upset as John Terry last night.I feel sorry for him. Not being sarcastic. The man looked heartbroken.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 22 02:09PMArsenal, still the best football club in the world...
Gunners for Life!!!
From kukuski on Thu May 22 02:22PMLast night just proved that United are the jammiest side ever. 3 Corners that were Chelsea goal kicks. 3 Goal kicks that were Chelsea corners. 4 throws that weren't their throws. Ferguson caught on microphone coming out of the tunnel telling the ref 'I trust you'. I hate both teams but Chelsea played United off the park in the 2nd half. I wish Terry's penalty had gone in to make Ronaldo look even more stupid...if that's possible!
No one seems to realise that neither of these teams deserved to progress from their semi-final clashes.
Ball possession at Old Trafford..Man Utd 31% Barcelona 69% Says it all. jammy!
From lee.billingham2 on Thu May 22 02:24PMArsenal, still the very best football club in the world...
Gunners for Life!!!
From kukuski on Thu May 22 02:25PMI have certainly been critical of Chelsea players in the past. But after last night I am willing to concede that Terry, Lampard and Cole did play with passion and not like spoilt brats.
This is probably the last time those words will emanate from my fingers though
From g_hine on Thu May 22 02:26PMI have a new respect for John Terry after last night. As far as im concerned John Terry is an absolute legend. I know its easy to be complimentary after your side has just lifted the European cup. However, i think we should all take our hats off to JT for a remarkable display of passion and commitment. Well done John boy. Now dry your eyes mate,i know you want to make us see how much your pain hurts, but there's plenty more cups in the sea......you've got to walk away now...it's over.
From samuelbanks on Thu May 22 03:30PMlee billingham
You have to assess United in terms of their performances over the whole tournament.There is no such thing as jammy in football.Only chance and cicumstance.From samuelbanks on Thu May 22 03:36PM
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