Scolari, oh oh
Thu Jun 12 09:34AM
The clock showed 67:16 in the frankly bonkers match between Switzerland and Turkey when news broke that Big Phil Scolari will be Chelsea's next manager from July 1. Early Döorß only wishes that it had happened during Portugal's match against the Czech Republic earlier that evening, just to see the reaction of the Portuguese fans.
The statement from Chelsea that revealed their new appointment included the line "He gets the best out of a talented squad of players." Like losing to Greece twice within a month, eh?
But cynicism aside kids, despite the fact that the Portugal job is his first in Europe, the two parties seem like a perfect match.
Scolari's teams play fairly attractive football, and like former boss Jose Mourinho he has a pragmatic, no nonsense approach that creates a siege mentality amongst his squad.
The man described as "the Brazilian Brian Clough" should be enough to keep any dissenters quiet, judging by the left jab he threw at Serbia's Ivica Dragutinovic last year. Though quite what Ashley Cole will make of Sun Tzu's 'The Art of War' is anyone's guess.
'Felipao' also has more than enough potential to match Jose for enigmatic quotes and slanging matches with his contemporaries. As subtly charming as Avram Grant's quiet magnanimity was, Chelsea fans both demand and deserve someone more obnoxious.
- - -
Well, who'd have thunk it? Looking at the pre-tournament fixture list, it would have been hard for anyone to guess that Switzerland v Turkey would turn out to be one of the most memorable matches of the tournament.
As a born-and-bred central European, Early Döorß is a lover of all forms of slapstick comedy, believing Eurosport's Remi to be the pinnacle of modern humour.So it had an absolute ball watching the torrential downpour in Basel last night that turned a previously inauspicious match into a right rollercoaster where 'fire it in the mixer' was the wisest tactical step.
ED's only regret is that the rain had not hit the Stade de Geneve earlier, in which case it would be having heaps of fun with a whole host of 'Lake Geneva' jokes. Well, that one anyway.
The ridiculousness of the conditions was shown up for the opening goal, when Erin Derdiyok's low cross stopped dead in a puddle in the six-yard box, allowing Hakan Yakin to score the easiest international goal since David Nugent completed his 100% strike rate for England by blasting in from dead on the goal line against Andorra.
After that 'strike', Yakin then tapped another shot woefully wide from the same range less than five minutes later.
Ian Wright may not be at the Beeb anymore, concentrating his talents on meatheads whacking each other with giant cotton buds, but there was plenty of fodder for his next 'hilarious and humiliating' gaffes DVD.
But, as the rain stopped, the pitch dried and Turkey got better, they came back to clinch a win that knocks the poor old Swiss out after just five days.
That was thanks in no small part to ex-Brighton and Sheffield united striker Colin-Kazim Richards, or Kazim, Kazim and thrice Kazim as he has been dubbed since moving to Fenerbahce, whose late appearance as a substitute means that he has now made more major finals appearances than a whole host of England's young and highly-paid internationals.
- - -
Spare a thought for those poor money men at ITV. No really.
The national teams of Portugal and Netherlands both drew 80% of the viewing public in their respective homelands for their opening matches.
Half of the people in front of a German television set at the time watched the Dutch pound Italy and, despite their impressive apathy before the tournament, three out of five Austrians watched their boys' impressively apathetic performance against Croatia.
Whereas in sorry little Blighty, hardly anyone has been watching, with just as many people watching that show on Channel Four that features such characters as - to quote the Sun's front page - a "flop star", an "ex-hoodlum" and a "mincer".
There was more than a hint of smugness from UEFA Communications director William Gaillard when he said: "It is obvious when one of the large European nations like England is absent we won't get the large audiences we would have if that team had been playing on that day.
"We can't expect to have 25 million British viewers because we have no British teams involved."
- - -
QUOTES OF DAY: on a record-busting 368 comment day, gpcharrion was so pleased with himself for this effort that he posted it multiple times. ED only reproduces it now to show how much he needn't have bothered: "BREAKING NEWS: DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT TIME eNGLAND PLAY TONIGHT? APPARENTLY SO FAR THERE IS NO TRACE OF THIS GRATE nATIONAL tEAM THAT WAS OUTPLAYED AND DUMPED…. (blah blah blah). MAYBE YOU CAN ALSO HAVE A SAUSAGE IN THE MEANWHILE THAT IS A VERY GOOD PAINKILLER AHAHAHAHAH"
Andywalker269 echoed the thoughts of daily alpine football blogs that are forced to subsist on a thin muesli of UHT milk and cardboard everywhere when he said: "Wow, bumper comment day today, and to be honest, I couldn't be @rsed trawling through them all."
G_hine's attempt to steer the chat away from the board's latest race-hate panic was admirable, and somehow ended up here: "But as out universe is finite, there is a centre. This is approximately where the Big Bang occurred."
FOREIGN VIEW: Seeing as there has been no mention of C-Ron so far, here's Marca's attempt at humour by reporting his joke about Portugal's second strip: Ronaldo - "I really like the White… Of Portugal!" Hmm.
TALKING POINT: Is Big Phil actually going to be any good? And has a tournament host ever exited so quickly from their own tournament? And how exactly do you use sausages as a painkiller?
COMING UP: Group B takes it's turn to shine tonight as Croatia take on Germany and Austria attempt to avoid embarrassment against Poland. Follow our LIVE comments form 17:00 UK time.
Hello!
From jude_surf on Thu Jun 12 09:37AMOI ED why so late today? the turks really played well last nite and so did the swiss...the czechs were hard done by they deserved at least a draw
From dannickbates on Thu Jun 12 09:39AMwell, with Phil in the PL mix, at least we'll see some off field antics! great game from Port. and what a turn around by the turks...this is turning into a great tournament.
From adogshow on Thu Jun 12 09:40AMI wonder. What about Belgium? They went out pretty quick too.
From eliotot on Thu Jun 12 09:43AMAustria to beat Poland, followed by a win against their Anschluss partners, the Germans. I do wish Croatia would stop embarrassing us English and show everybody that they CAN play football!!!!
From eliotot on Thu Jun 12 09:45AMCronaldo isn't of to madrid, hes of to the chelsea!
From ciaranreid on Thu Jun 12 09:46AMI think Roman Abramovich has dropped a clanger that registers on the enckleman scale by appointing a manager that has not coached a european club team. The guy also is gonna have the shock of his life from the media if he was upset by the intrusion of his private life during the 'england debacle'.
It's quite clear that managers with proven records in europe are hesitant of joining Chelski after the needless dismissals of Mourinho and Avram 'Penfold' Grant.
From screamouk on Thu Jun 12 09:48AMAnyone else realise that the late Turkey goal gives us the chance of the 1st ever Penalty shootout in a group game?
http://www.uefa.com/newsfiles/19079.pdf
Articl
e 7.08From the_greatman on Thu Jun 12 09:51AMbok bok bok
why is a dog show a mess? you do like dogs and dogs at shows don't you
From mooochas on Thu Jun 12 09:53AMScreamouk as a point there, but also maybe appointing a coach that has never worked a european team can work to an advantage. but i wonder, Phil and Jose seem to be similar in their style and approach to football. maybe Roman is looking for what Jose brought to Chelski but without having to pay double for the man's ego.
From adogshow on Thu Jun 12 09:57AMScreamouk as a point there, but also maybe appointing a coach that has never worked a european team can work to an advantage. but i wonder, Phil and Jose seem to be similar in their style and approach to football. maybe Roman is looking for what Jose brought to Chelski but without having to pay double for the man's ego.
From adogshow on Thu Jun 12 09:58AMAH! sorry bout double post...internet issues, gotta love third world service!
From adogshow on Thu Jun 12 09:59AMThird world service - Brought to you by Virgin Media!
From p_tolomy on Thu Jun 12 10:06AMWhy has my post been taken off?
From james_ssmith on Thu Jun 12 10:06AMBig Phil will do for me. A big name manager is waht Chelsea wanted and it's what they got. Im hoping it will help bring in big name players. the rumour of Kaka was inevitable but wont happen. Ronaldinho could. Aguero and Ribbery would be good but most of all Villa! keep Carvalho and were sorted.
From sav46e on Thu Jun 12 10:07AMjames...are u being censored and the bird isn't?? wat other injustices do we have in our world (other than Virgin Media)?????
From adogshow on Thu Jun 12 10:10AMThe pinnacle of modern comedy? That, my friends, would be Flight of the Conchords.........
From kevmun82 on Thu Jun 12 10:10AMsomthing is not right with the board system today....probably something to do with the new anti spam system
From dannickbates on Thu Jun 12 10:11AMSu Tzu's art of war has the ideal battle won before fighting commences due to superior manouevring by the winning general. Scolari could save fans a lot of dull Premiership games - "It's January. You're playing away. Your best striker is injured. It's snowing. Your midfield is due in court again. Call it 2-1 to us and we can all stay at home and watch Gladiator."
From james_ssmith on Thu Jun 12 10:12AMone thing for sure with Phil, is that he'll be able to tap the Brazilian market quite well. if the FA dont go back on thier comments, which they went back on...
From adogshow on Thu Jun 12 10:12AMMine have too, which I can undestand. Accusing ED of being lazy, sausage obsessed facist dictators obviously isn't they're cool with. Can't remember what you posted James_smith, but I don't remember it being offensive at all.
From p_tolomy on Thu Jun 12 10:15AMI believe Deck will go to Chelsea! Chat with me and with real cute girls at ...BlackWhiteKiss.com!, for men to find real beauties, both black and white, all of them love sports...
From refvsdf on Thu Jun 12 10:15AMHi dogshow, I dunno. All I said was that ED had had to read about 200 posts which said bok-ker all.
I think Scolari will be great fun next season, certainly more interesting than his team.From james_ssmith on Thu Jun 12 10:16AMscolari may be a well recognised manager but in the top 5 clubs in the prem... who with such a lushouse stash has even come close to doing anything!!! shave it phil! be a man!
From xlx_p_xlx on Thu Jun 12 10:16AMGood luck to Big Phil. Hope he enjoys his season in charge (unless they win both Europe AND the League)!
From ianbec on Thu Jun 12 10:16AMBelgium is the only other host nation to quit a tournament after the first round in 2000
From yawboakye86 on Thu Jun 12 10:18AM"three out of five Austrians watched their boys' impressively apathetic performance against Turkey."
Are you sure about that?
From padbod on Thu Jun 12 10:21AMGoogle is full of info on everything. it tells you anything you want to know. just read up and pretend you know everything. great. no cheese tho
From kolopses on Thu Jun 12 10:22AMmaybe ED took offense to that james...maybe he likes the bird...he can always go to his boss and say, "look, boss 386 posts!" But i am still wondering how a sausage can act as a painkiller...where is g_hine, he told us about the universe yesterday, this should be an easy topic...
From adogshow on Thu Jun 12 10:23AMrefvsdf. ha ha Deck! brilliant tryin to put a bit of football in so it doesnt look like span n got it so wrong. great
From sav46e on Thu Jun 12 10:23AM
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