Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

England's absent XI

Tue Nov 18 08:28AM

Following another clutch of injury withdrawals, it looks as though England's team to face Germany will consist of Michael Mancienne, Jimmy Bullard and the astonishing return of Andy Sinton.

That being the case, it is a fair bet that the following selection of crocks and cry-offs could beat whatever team Fabio Capello cobbles together in Germany.

Joe Hart (Manchester City) - Injured his ankle during Sunday's 2-2 draw against Hull. Things are so bad Paul Robinson is back.

Wes Brown (Manchester United) - Has emerged from Gary Neville's shadow for England and United. For his next trick, a wispy moustache and inflammatory badge-kissing.

Jamie Carragher (Liverpool) - If Mancienne can get in the England squad, it's safe to say Carragher would if he had not quit international football in a fit of pique.

Rio Ferdinand (Manchester United) - First John Terry, now Rio. What is it with these England centre-backs and their bad backs? Maybe it's because they are a pair of massive t*ts.

Ashley Cole (Chelsea) - Cheryl's he-WAG was fit enough to take to Chelsea's bench against West Brom, but not to amble through a friendly international. Boooooooooo!

David Beckham (LA Galaxy) - Hasn't played a competitive match for three weeks, meaning no place in Capello's squad. Some would argue he hasn't played a competitive match since 2006.

Steven Gerrard (Liverpool) - So it turns out he is injured after all. Rafa Benitez isn't happy England gave him a once-over (all that driving made Stevie's driver tired) but Capello has made his point.

Frank Lampard (Chelsea) - Terry was deemed fit to play - not so Fat Frank, who bruised his ribs at West Brom. This is a man who once played 164 games in a row.

Joe Cole (Chelsea) - Still out with a hamstring strain, and hiding behind his settee as Mrs Cole takes showers and eats testicles on I'm A Celebrity.

Wayne Rooney (Manchester United) - Has a chest infection. Skinhead Wayne needs to be told how much heat escapes through your head, as it appears he has actually caught his death of cold.

Emile Heskey (Wigan Athletic) - Another hamstring victim, Heskey won't mind missing out just because his name, not Michael Owen's, gets to appear on this list.

- - -

After going to print on Monday morning, Early Doors spends the rest of the day reading reports from foreign leagues on the Reuters news wire.

South America is the most fun for two reasons - firstly for the random sightings of former Premier League failures (Kleberson scored at the weekend), but mainly because of the staggering level of aggro.

Take this little spat from Uruguay, which has caused the country's domestic league to be suspended:

'Fans fought a vicious battle on the pitch following the top-of-the-table match between Danubio and Nacional.

'The trouble erupted after Danubio beat Nacional 1-0 to overtake their opponents and go top of the table on Sunday.

'Shortly after the final whistle, Nacional fans broke down the fencing at the tiny Jardines del Hipodromo stadium and invaded the pitch.

'At one point, they managed to snatch a Danubio flag from home fans, who were enraged and also invaded the field.

'A pitched battle followed in which rival fans attacked each other with iron bars and used the corner flags as weapons.

'Despite the trouble, no arrests or injuries were reported.'

Only Uruguay was not alone. In Peru: 'Around 100 Univeristario supporters ran onto the field and attempted to attack the players after the 1-1 draw away to Atletico Minero in Matucana. The fans also insulted the team and demanded the resignation of coach Ricardo Gareca.

'The players left the field under police protection, went straight onto the team bus and headed for Lima, a journey of around four hours, without having a shower.

'Roberto Jimenez put Universitario ahead but Jose Galvan snatched a late equaliser for lowly Atletico to the fury of the roughly 1,000 visiting supporters.'

And, as the cherry on the cake, the news that 42-year-old Rene Higuita still plays in goal for Colombian side Deportivo Pereira. And Chile have a team called O'Higgins.

- - -

QUOTE OF THE DAY: Nice to see Terry Butcher has got over Diego Maradona's Hand of God goal. Oh, hang on, he's threatening to punch the little blighter: "I'll never forgive him. At the end of the day it is not nice when you lose a World Cup quarter-final under those circumstances. It's very hard to forgive and forget in the circumstances. But it was 22 years ago. I think I'm 4-1 to get a red card in the tunnel - it would be the fist of Terry Butcher rather than the hand."

QUOTE OF THE DAY 2: John Toshack explains that he is definitively not the best man for the Wales job: "You won't see the best of this Welsh side for another five or six years - and I don't expect to be around then."

QUOTE OF THE DAY 3: Darren Bent says Juande Ramos was the strong, silent type: "I've no idea whether Ramos wanted me or not. He said about four words to me in the year he was there."

ANYONE LOOKING FOR A NEW MOTORBIKE? Contact India batsman Yuvraj Singh, who is now the proud owner of two Honda CBRs - his prizes for being man of the match in the first two one-day internationals between India and England. The way he is playing, by the end of the season he might have one for every day of the week. Sadly, he doesn't know how to ride a motorbike, and on both occasions has ridden pillion while MS Dhoni chauffeurs him around the ground.

IN OTHER NON-FOOTBALL NEWS: John Higgins explains why he does not have a snooker table at home: "If I have friends over in the night, I don't want them saying 'Come on, let's have a game of snooker'. It's like if I went home to a friend of mine who works as a bricklayer on Friday night and say 'Come on, let's build a wall'."

Comments61 - 90 of 764
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If its wands we're comparing Mick, then Ive already been called Harry Potter on here before. And chicks dig scars right..? ;)
From danny_saks on Tue Nov 18 09:47AM
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#58 Bob well said, good to know you do make sense sometimes.
From jay8my on Tue Nov 18 09:47AM
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Talking about huge penis!
If Linford Christie had an erection everytime he ran he wouold've been as fast a Osafa Powell
From iamevz on Tue Nov 18 09:48AM
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Bob. Like youre reasoning mate. But still getting my head around intelligent football comments from you and no smut... ;)
From danny_saks on Tue Nov 18 09:48AM
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How you work that out Johnny? You mean that he wouldn't have to duck for the tape for example? Wouldnt want him in the relay tho would you...
From danny_saks on Tue Nov 18 09:49AM
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# 48 - I like that one mate. Will have to remember it! lol
From mickr273 on Tue Nov 18 09:51AM
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Yeah for sure Nasri great buy and produced it against the scum delighted highlight of that weekend for me whcih I did mention on that Monday mate
All I'm saying in 57 is that to say Henry pulled Carracghers pants is a bit meaningless he dad every defender doing the penguin
From fitbutfrustrated on Tue Nov 18 09:51AM
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Kev - if we went back to the original point which is Carragher quit international football very early becasue he was never used as a centrehalf for England, then id say he might aswell quit, carragher is useless on the ball u cant hoof the ball out of play or up the field everytime u receive it, teams have got to keep it and carragher never could. Not to mention he would be 6th choice anyway.
From jay8my on Tue Nov 18 09:51AM
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I wonder how many of these 'injured' players will be available this coming weekend
From p.humphries007 on Tue Nov 18 09:52AM
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65 - it'll bring a new sense to the meaning of passing the baton!!!!!!!
69 - i bet you John Terry will be playing. didn't he make a wonderfull recovery last time!
From iamevz on Tue Nov 18 09:54AM
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not trying to compare wand sizes danny, you perv! Just tryin to figure out how an ex toon player has a hold over your missus!
From mickr273 on Tue Nov 18 09:54AM
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Errrm well no actually FBF, Gallas did a very good job on Henry and pretty much kept him in his pocket every time we played chelsea, which is relevant to the original argument i was having with Kev, which if u read before posting u would have noticed. So im glad i used Henry as an example especially if he was the best prem striker ever.
From jay8my on Tue Nov 18 09:55AM
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For the united fans talking about Arsenal not having any English players. Its because we can't afford them. Your English stars, Rio = £30 mil. Rooney = £23. Hargreaves = £18. Carrick = £18. Yea you got Scholes and Neville but there old timers now. The only home grown talent you've got that can play week in week out is strangely brown. Check out the Arsenal youth. 4 or 5 quality young English stars!
From bigdonmegga on Tue Nov 18 09:55AM
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53 = Arsenal, Arsenal, Arsenal!
Didn't Chelsea cast out Gallas? Didn't he threaten to score an OG for his own team? I'll admit he was a pretty good player at Chelsea, put as of 2006 onwards, Carra has to the better of the two! Don't forget that It would of been Desailly & JT who would of played along side him, much better players than Gallas also!
From kevin1985kane on Tue Nov 18 09:56AM
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You’ll never see Jamie C sit in the centre circle sulking like a little girl when things don’t go his way!
From kevin1985kane on Tue Nov 18 10:00AM
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Kev #74 yep yep yep typical Non-mersyside-based-scouser, changing the question to "2006 onwards" Make up ur mind mate.
From jay8my on Tue Nov 18 10:01AM
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What do ye guys think of me? I try to talk football in the mornings before the smut breaks out in the afternoons (when lucille arrives).
From kgh_r on Tue Nov 18 10:02AM
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You'll never see Gallas Quit international football and turn his back on his country like a wimp when things dont go his way. Kev ur to predictible.
From jay8my on Tue Nov 18 10:02AM
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Your alright Bobo ;)
From mickr273 on Tue Nov 18 10:04AM
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Carragher is too slow for international football anyways.
How come Paul Scholes got away with retiring? He was a superb player at the time he retired.
From kgh_r on Tue Nov 18 10:04AM
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On current form carragher is playing better than gallas this season. On overall ability i would say Gallas has more, and that is why i think he is better than carragher and i wouldnt swap Gallas for Carragher.
From jay8my on Tue Nov 18 10:06AM
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Mick has it taken you this long to realise I'm a perv? Anyways its your fault. And Bobs. I was sweet and innocent before I came on here. If you pardon the expression...
From danny_saks on Tue Nov 18 10:07AM
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Did anyone read about Lampard in the paper yesterday saying the England players dont like the fans? Cheeky git. If your listening Frank it is because footballers are no longer accessable to the fans, to the people of england. Your astronomical wages, your pre-madonna attitudes and your boringly self-indulgent biographies make us completely entitled to call you whatever we like. If we want to boo we will and you will now be getting more boos for open your stupid mouth. Ashley Cole and Frank Lampard - Coincidence you both play for Chelsea? I think not. Pull your head out and shut it. Booooooooo
From redmanshouts on Tue Nov 18 10:08AM
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82 - yeah and i'm the pope
From iamevz on Tue Nov 18 10:10AM
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Bob - I think the main reason Scholes quit is because Sven was playing him on the left side to compensate for *ahem* Lampard in the middle. Scholes must have thought Duck it im not a left winger and retired. To be fair he was 30. Bob, u have to explain Steve Ireland whats goin on with that pillock.
From jay8my on Tue Nov 18 10:11AM
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Pre-madonna attitudes? We talking Like A Virgin days or all the way back to Holiday? LOL. Good point tho.
From danny_saks on Tue Nov 18 10:12AM
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Danny! Sweet and inoccent? Beak job springs to mind! So dont make me laugh you bad boy!
From mickr273 on Tue Nov 18 10:13AM
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Jay I think the main point here is character which Gallas lacks and Carragher has in abundance he has never done and said the babyish things Gallas has
From fitbutfrustrated on Tue Nov 18 10:14AM
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Friendly games should be abandon in its entirety. All games should be competitive even if the number of games are reduced. If England loses at an embarrassing margin the fact hat it was inferior players playing a friendly will not be any consolation
From duncan.drewry on Tue Nov 18 10:14AM
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Original Question "Who's better Carragher or Gallas?"
Is that not in the Present? That is not changing the Question mate!
As I said before, I'd pick Carragher over Gallas for his “CONSISTANT” performances throughout his career to date.
From kevin1985kane on Tue Nov 18 10:15AM
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