Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Early Doors

Kiss and make up

Thu Nov 20 08:55AM

If last night's game in Berlin proved anything, it is that Germans are capable of caring just as little about international friendlies as England.

Most of the friendly faces we got to know and love at the World Cup and Euro 2008 were missing.

There was no Philipp Lahm, bombing forward from left-back and getting caught woefully out of position.

No Torsten Frings prowling around kicking people and smashing in 30-yard screamers like some latter-day Paul Breitner.

No Jens Lehmann, whose public barneys with team-mates and inimitable clowning are now a thing of the past.

And no Michael Ballack, puffing his chest out like Eric Cantona after swallowing a balloon and doing really very little.

Mario Gomez did play, and Early Doors can confirm that he is still rubbish, although not as rubbish as right-back Arne Friedrich who contrived to make Stewart Downing look like Garrincha.

England dominated so much that Fabio Capello had to do the international football equivalent of putting the fat, uncoordinated kid in goal to even up a lop-sided playground kickabout.

Scott Carson's attempt to get 45 confidence-boosting minutes under his belt was somewhat undermined by the almighty mix-up with John Terry that led to the German equaliser, as the pair showed all the teamwork of the Chuckle Brothers attempting to carry a trestle table up a flight of stairs.

- - -

Up in Glasgow, nobody was watching the game. Rather, their eyes were trained on the benches in the hope of seeing Terry Butcher get Diego Maradona in a headlock.

Sadly El Diego was on disappointingly subdued form, only livening up to kiss and cuddle each and every member of his playing and coaching staff on the final whistle.

Butcher was long gone by that stage, beating a hasty retreat so as to avoid touching the hand of God.

As PR blunders go, Butcher's claim that he would never forgive Maradona for his actions in 1986 was a whopper.

Many Scottish people were uneasy about having an Englishman as assistant manager, and a staggeringly bitter rant against someone who the Scots have adopted as a national hero was never going to do much for Butcher's popularity north of the border.

- - -

When a massive news story breaks, you immediately know about it. You flick through the TV channels - all have shelved their scheduled programming for live coverage of the news. Captions flash, yellow bars pop up and 'experts' are hastily assembled on the phone.

E-mails fire back and forth between disbelieving offices and homes - 'Have you heard??' - as the news sweeps the country. People weep openly in the streets, displaying emotions they would keep firmly under wraps in less traumatic time.

Serious programmes like Newsnight talk about little else, while the next morning's papers all have the same lead story - the red-tops turning their banners black and the broadsheets going for the 'massive story only' format of printing a giant double-sized photo on both the front and back pages.

And so it was with John Sergeant's tragically misguided withdrawal from Strictly Come Dancing, supposedly because there was a "real danger" he might win - which he obviously would not have done.

In a week of high-profile withdrawals, rumour has it Fabio Capello considered hauling Sergeant down to Watford, where England medics would have checked whether his pride really was wounded.

Having watched every moment of the hour-long 'It Takes Two' special last night (some bits twice) Early Doors pays tribute to the insane level of hysteria generate by a bloke dancing badly on TV.

Sky News in particular outdid itself, abandoning a story about a suspected murderer escaping from hospital to cover the Sergeant farrago.

It hardly seemed possible before now, but clearly football still has much to learn when it comes to getting worked up about complete irrelevance.

Early Doors wishes Sergeant well on his entirely coincidental all-expenses-paid Caribbean cruise. Come on Christine Bleakley.

- - -

QUOTE OF THE DAY: "It was embarrassing. We have short-changed the fans, especially with Christmas coming up." Northern Ireland boss Nigel Worthington prepares for a new career preparing press releases for Strictly Come Dancing bosses.

DEBUT OF THE DAY: Former bin man Steve Savidan, who played the second half of France's goalless friendly against Uruguay. Although any call-up by Sugar Ray Domenech should probably come with an asterisk by it, Early Doors can happily report that Savidan is a decent player, and almost scored an overhead kick last night.

FOREIGN VIEW: "Only Lippi wins" - Gazzetta dello Sport says the only upside of Italy's drab 1-1 against Greece was that Marcello Lippi set a new national record of 31 games unbeaten as Azzurri coach - compiled either side of his post-World Cup hiatus.

COMING UP: Lots of reaction from last night's games, including England player ratings as awarded by somebody who was actually paying attention and a blow-by-blow Maradona watch. Plus all sorts of other gubbins here.

There's no live football today, but you can click here to follow the rest of England's one-day international defeat to India, as Yuvraj Singh bids to win a third Honda motorcycle.

  1. doubt it!

    jay8myFrom jay8my on Thu Nov 20 10:47AM

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  2. kevmun, in fairness england actually have a decent manager now who should have the balls to make them play to their potential.
    i still see them strugglin to score at the highest level but there's no denying that they have one of the best squads in the world.

    kgh_rFrom kgh_r on Thu Nov 20 10:48AM

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  3. HELLO KEITH,
    DO NOT LISTEN TO THE SIMON COWELL WANNABE. COME OVER TO MY BLOG KIETH! THERE YOU WILL NOT BE CALLED FAT BY THE WRETCHED PEOPLE WHO TRY TO BE FUNNY AS MY BLOG IS A SERIOUS DISCUSSION FORUM!

    EARLY DOORS BLOGGERS - BOW TO MY SUPERIOR WISDOM

    REGARDS
    JIM WHITE - AWARD WINNING COLUMNIST & PRESENTER OF CELTICS CHAMPIONS LEAGUE COVERAGE ON STV

    jimmywhite41From jimmywhite41 on Thu Nov 20 10:48AM

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  4. jolly.good80 wayne, will you wear a bra?

    kgh_rFrom kgh_r on Thu Nov 20 10:49AM

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  5. What time is the twatgland invasion? are you coming Keith?

    anne_helmFrom anne_helm on Thu Nov 20 10:50AM

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  6. no way mick. fat keith is an obese gaypornstar.
    his real name is Eat Brown ha!

    kgh_rFrom kgh_r on Thu Nov 20 10:54AM

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  7. A bra and lace panties or a g-string sweetie xxxx

    jolly.good80From jolly.good80 on Thu Nov 20 10:56AM

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  8. Be nice Bobo he might have some really interesting tales to tell come on Keith impress

    anne_helmFrom anne_helm on Thu Nov 20 10:56AM

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  9. I agree completely kgh_r. On paper they have one of the top 5 squads in the world without a doubt, and Capello is a fantastic manager who WILL get the best out of them. The time is coming when England will be a great team again. But the hyperbole being spouted today after a literally meaningless friendly between two B teams is ridiculous! I understand it's not the England fans doing this (well, most of them) but the press, as usual. They whip the fans up into a frenzy, which only makes the defeats even more crushing as they were led to believe their team were World-Beaters.

    kevmun82From kevmun82 on Thu Nov 20 10:59AM

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  10. Hello keith i apologise for calling you fat but i must admit you are a fatfuckingtogowearingpieceofcrap

    iamevzFrom iamevz on Thu Nov 20 10:59AM

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  11. I'm a regular guy with a regular life. Nothing to write a novel about. My best achievement is the Early Doors challenge record set last week but Mick left me with a bitter taste after braking the game

    keith.brown51From keith.brown51 on Thu Nov 20 11:00AM

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  12. Hello keith i apologise for calling you fat but i must admit you are a fatfuckingtogowearingpieceofcrap

    iamevzFrom iamevz on Thu Nov 20 11:00AM

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  13. Annie - theres nothing like doubting sum1 like a @#$% then ignoring them :-) (lol) :-D.....easy.....easy!!

    jay8myFrom jay8my on Thu Nov 20 11:00AM

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  14. YEAH! C'mon keith tell us a story. The blog is yours!

    mickr273From mickr273 on Thu Nov 20 11:00AM

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  15. kevmun82 see #142

    fitbutfrustratedFrom fitbutfrustrated on Thu Nov 20 11:01AM

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  16. fat keith, mick has been known to leave people with a bitter taste in their mouth!

    kgh_rFrom kgh_r on Thu Nov 20 11:02AM

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  17. Someone's going to have to explain this Jim White thing to me.
    Just read some of his stuff to try and understand the level of contempt for the man. Yes he's tabloid and does sometimes state the obvious but Early Doors does that too. In fact ED makes way more mistakes than Jim White. So what's the deal? I thought he made a couple of good points in his Maradonna piece.
    Not saying i'm his biggest fan but he's not that bad surely...

    chrisnewman950From chrisnewman950 on Thu Nov 20 11:02AM

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  18. HI kevmun - i agree wiv what ur saying the hype can go too far, but to be fair the media were saying b4 the germany game this IS more than just a friendly and i think the England players looked really up 4 it, so i would credit them for that.

    jay8myFrom jay8my on Thu Nov 20 11:04AM

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  19. I really don't undersatnd why EUROSPORT dosn't show news about a game like brazil(6)-Portugal(2), that was one of the best games of this decade..
    concerning the article's picture, i think it is more "Make Out" than "make up"..lol

    saoudallanFrom saoudallan on Thu Nov 20 11:04AM

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  20. lol Jay big high five :D

    anne_helmFrom anne_helm on Thu Nov 20 11:04AM

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  21. lmao. Why you blaming me keithy boy? I was'nt the only one hell bent on stoping your rubbish!

    mickr273From mickr273 on Thu Nov 20 11:05AM

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  22. Keith you are the best Im laughing so hard here please carry on Im loving your work

    anne_helmFrom anne_helm on Thu Nov 20 11:05AM

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  23. Peace kgh_r.take it lightly on keith now.Peace

    jacknforFrom jacknfor on Thu Nov 20 11:05AM

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  24. kevmun82 - not sure there has been that much hyperbole this time. Think most England fans seem to see the game for what it was : an experimental team doing better than expected against a weakened but still potentially tricky Germany team. Sure there are some fans predicting England to win theWorld Cup off the back of this but they're a minority

    chrisnewman950From chrisnewman950 on Thu Nov 20 11:05AM

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  25. kevmun82 they should cruise thru their group and proceed well in the world cup until they meet an organised team which they can't break down. italy, spain, france, portugal - teams like that will happily sit back and score on the counter coz they know england will struggle to score unless rooney produces one of his less and less frequent bits of magic.

    kgh_rFrom kgh_r on Thu Nov 20 11:05AM

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  26. jolly.good80 wayne, are you up for a 3some with a thai ladyboy?

    kgh_rFrom kgh_r on Thu Nov 20 11:06AM

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  27. We do it for kicks Chris just passing the day to see who gets deleted bit of fun thats all

    anne_helmFrom anne_helm on Thu Nov 20 11:08AM

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  28. kgh_r if you are in the sandwitch I will eat it no matter how many layers there are ;-)

    jolly.good80From jolly.good80 on Thu Nov 20 11:09AM

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  29. Its sometimes more fun over on twatgland's page

    anne_helmFrom anne_helm on Thu Nov 20 11:09AM

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  30. is it me or i do i feel like a UN peace negoitater inbetween the fightin between Israel & Palestine

    iamevzFrom iamevz on Thu Nov 20 11:09AM

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