Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Justice for Ronaldo!

Mon Dec 01 08:52AM

Cristiano Ronaldo will stop at nothing to hog the headlines - even rank stupidity.

Manchester United's victory at neighbours City might have been remembered for the football had Ronaldo not been sent off for his two-fisted batting of a corner.

And Early Doors has photographic evidence, published on the right, that proves the move was in fact premeditated and he had spent the week perfecting it in training.

Just what was he thinking? As ever, we need look no further than United's oracle Sir Alex Ferguson for an explanation: "He was trying to protect himself from the ball hitting his face."

It is a fair point. What is a player supposed to do when he has a ball hurtling towards his head at high speed? Football, as the name suggests, is meant to be played with the feet.

Wayne Rooney should really be more careful when he sends in corners at that sort of height - he'll have someone's eye out.

Ronaldo has survived several brushes with danger, and in some cases the ball has even bounced off his noggin into the goal. But sooner or later somebody is going to get hurt.

Rumour has it that in a dim and distant past known as the 1990s, mysterious creatures named Quinnasaurus and Duncandisorderly roamed the Premier League, specialising in using the upper part of their body to redirect the ball, and that the practice even had its own, quaint, name: the 'header'.

But Early Doors finds such myths hard to believe. After all, why would anyone risk those lucrative endorsement deals with cosmetics companies by putting their pretty face in the line of fire?

It was just a shame that ref Howard Webb did not realise that Ronaldo has got a high-profile award to collect this week. Any blemish to his tanned complexion, sparklingly white teeth or perfectly coiffed hair would be a tragedy - not just for Ronaldo but for the millions of viewers who will be treated to his rare beauty when he lifts the Ballon d'Or.

- - -

The magic of the FA Cup was more Tommy Cooper than David Blaine when the third round draw produced 32 ties of stultifying boredom.

Without pausing to adjust its fez, the Cup actually sawed a lady in half before pulling nothing but rabbit droppings out of its hat despite a weekend of second-round upsets.

The cameras were on hand to record the joy, the excitement and the crushing disappointment at the eight non-league clubs still in the competition.

In some senses, Barrow secured a plum tie. On the one hand, it was the draw everyone wants - a Premier League side away. On the other, it was Middlesbrough. It is thought the teams are considering switching the fixture to Barrow to increase gate receipts.

Blyth Spartans, magnificently, are sponsored by Viz, the magazine that has spent the best part of 30 years proving that fart jokes never get old.

If they see off Bournemouth in a replay, they will play hapless Blackburn in a game that will see the Premier League side attempt to pull off a giant-killing.

Histon drew Swansea City, although they are at home so will be spared the full force of the South Wales atmosphere that forces local derbies to kick off at increasingly early times.

If Swansea-Cardiff games are brought forward any more they will end up being played the previous evening.

Forest Green Rovers get the magic of Derby and Torquay got Blackpool, both are games that - Stanley Matthews aside - offer the non-leaguers no glamour but every chance of a swift exit.

Eastwood of the Northern Premier League may have been the most deserving of a big tie after ditching Wycombe but will get no such thing.

They will either travel eight miles to face Notts County, or take on another non-league outfit in the shape of Kettering.

But the real hard-luck story belongs to Droylsden, who were putting a whipping on Chesterfield when the match was abandoned because of fog.

Funnily enough, the Championship game between Preston and Bristol City went ahead in no-less-murky conditions. Wonder if it had anything to do with the fact that it was live on TV?

Droylsden boss Dave Pace said: "We looked comfortable after taking the lead and capable of going on to win. Now we'll have to do it all again. I think it's an outrageous decision."

- - -

QUOTE OF THE DAY: "They are not God." Paranoid Phil Scolari suspects the almighty might be shirking his refereeing duties and sending in mortal ringers like Mike Dean.

TACTICAL GENIUS OF THE WEEKEND: Hull striker Dean Windass may no longer be equipped to play at the highest level but he was arguably Hull's most influential player against Stoke City on Saturday. Windass went on a one-man mission to disrupt Rory Delap's long throws, strategically 'warming up' right in front of Delap as he prepared to run up.

The runner-up award goes to Hull keeper Boaz Myhill, who became the first man to test the theory that it is better to give Stoke a corner than let Delap get his hands on the ball. The Welshman coolly knocked the ball behind when under pressure, rather than whacking it out for a throw.

INJURY OF THE WEEKEND: The NFL injury list weekend made interesting reading when it came to the New York Giants' visit to the Washington Redskins. Kedric Golston (foot), Marcus Washington (ankle), Fred Robbins (shoulder), Plaxico Burress (self-inflicted gunshot wound).

Giants wide receiver Burress, who caught the winning touchdown in last season's Super Bowl, accidentally shot himself in the leg in a Manhattan nightclub on Friday.

The incident could land him in jail as well as hospital as the police ponder charging Burress with a firearms offence.

And before you start thinking Plaxico Burress is a silly name, remember: it's pronounced 'Plexico'.

FOREIGN VIEW: After another Real Madrid defeat, Marca has given up speculating if and when Bernd Schuster will get the push. Instead it is focussing on who they will buy once the German has gone - Klaas-Jan Huntelaar and Angel di Maria, apparently.

COMING UP: Brace yourselves for another blast of false hope on Merseyside - Liverpool will go top of the Premier League if they avoid a point at home to West Ham tonight. Follow it live from 20:00 UK time.

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