Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Justice for Ronaldo!

Mon Dec 01 08:52AM

Cristiano Ronaldo will stop at nothing to hog the headlines - even rank stupidity.

Manchester United's victory at neighbours City might have been remembered for the football had Ronaldo not been sent off for his two-fisted batting of a corner.

And Early Doors has photographic evidence, published on the right, that proves the move was in fact premeditated and he had spent the week perfecting it in training.

Just what was he thinking? As ever, we need look no further than United's oracle Sir Alex Ferguson for an explanation: "He was trying to protect himself from the ball hitting his face."

It is a fair point. What is a player supposed to do when he has a ball hurtling towards his head at high speed? Football, as the name suggests, is meant to be played with the feet.

Wayne Rooney should really be more careful when he sends in corners at that sort of height - he'll have someone's eye out.

Ronaldo has survived several brushes with danger, and in some cases the ball has even bounced off his noggin into the goal. But sooner or later somebody is going to get hurt.

Rumour has it that in a dim and distant past known as the 1990s, mysterious creatures named Quinnasaurus and Duncandisorderly roamed the Premier League, specialising in using the upper part of their body to redirect the ball, and that the practice even had its own, quaint, name: the 'header'.

But Early Doors finds such myths hard to believe. After all, why would anyone risk those lucrative endorsement deals with cosmetics companies by putting their pretty face in the line of fire?

It was just a shame that ref Howard Webb did not realise that Ronaldo has got a high-profile award to collect this week. Any blemish to his tanned complexion, sparklingly white teeth or perfectly coiffed hair would be a tragedy - not just for Ronaldo but for the millions of viewers who will be treated to his rare beauty when he lifts the Ballon d'Or.

- - -

The magic of the FA Cup was more Tommy Cooper than David Blaine when the third round draw produced 32 ties of stultifying boredom.

Without pausing to adjust its fez, the Cup actually sawed a lady in half before pulling nothing but rabbit droppings out of its hat despite a weekend of second-round upsets.

The cameras were on hand to record the joy, the excitement and the crushing disappointment at the eight non-league clubs still in the competition.

In some senses, Barrow secured a plum tie. On the one hand, it was the draw everyone wants - a Premier League side away. On the other, it was Middlesbrough. It is thought the teams are considering switching the fixture to Barrow to increase gate receipts.

Blyth Spartans, magnificently, are sponsored by Viz, the magazine that has spent the best part of 30 years proving that fart jokes never get old.

If they see off Bournemouth in a replay, they will play hapless Blackburn in a game that will see the Premier League side attempt to pull off a giant-killing.

Histon drew Swansea City, although they are at home so will be spared the full force of the South Wales atmosphere that forces local derbies to kick off at increasingly early times.

If Swansea-Cardiff games are brought forward any more they will end up being played the previous evening.

Forest Green Rovers get the magic of Derby and Torquay got Blackpool, both are games that - Stanley Matthews aside - offer the non-leaguers no glamour but every chance of a swift exit.

Eastwood of the Northern Premier League may have been the most deserving of a big tie after ditching Wycombe but will get no such thing.

They will either travel eight miles to face Notts County, or take on another non-league outfit in the shape of Kettering.

But the real hard-luck story belongs to Droylsden, who were putting a whipping on Chesterfield when the match was abandoned because of fog.

Funnily enough, the Championship game between Preston and Bristol City went ahead in no-less-murky conditions. Wonder if it had anything to do with the fact that it was live on TV?

Droylsden boss Dave Pace said: "We looked comfortable after taking the lead and capable of going on to win. Now we'll have to do it all again. I think it's an outrageous decision."

- - -

QUOTE OF THE DAY: "They are not God." Paranoid Phil Scolari suspects the almighty might be shirking his refereeing duties and sending in mortal ringers like Mike Dean.

TACTICAL GENIUS OF THE WEEKEND: Hull striker Dean Windass may no longer be equipped to play at the highest level but he was arguably Hull's most influential player against Stoke City on Saturday. Windass went on a one-man mission to disrupt Rory Delap's long throws, strategically 'warming up' right in front of Delap as he prepared to run up.

The runner-up award goes to Hull keeper Boaz Myhill, who became the first man to test the theory that it is better to give Stoke a corner than let Delap get his hands on the ball. The Welshman coolly knocked the ball behind when under pressure, rather than whacking it out for a throw.

INJURY OF THE WEEKEND: The NFL injury list weekend made interesting reading when it came to the New York Giants' visit to the Washington Redskins. Kedric Golston (foot), Marcus Washington (ankle), Fred Robbins (shoulder), Plaxico Burress (self-inflicted gunshot wound).

Giants wide receiver Burress, who caught the winning touchdown in last season's Super Bowl, accidentally shot himself in the leg in a Manhattan nightclub on Friday.

The incident could land him in jail as well as hospital as the police ponder charging Burress with a firearms offence.

And before you start thinking Plaxico Burress is a silly name, remember: it's pronounced 'Plexico'.

FOREIGN VIEW: After another Real Madrid defeat, Marca has given up speculating if and when Bernd Schuster will get the push. Instead it is focussing on who they will buy once the German has gone - Klaas-Jan Huntelaar and Angel di Maria, apparently.

COMING UP: Brace yourselves for another blast of false hope on Merseyside - Liverpool will go top of the Premier League if they avoid a point at home to West Ham tonight. Follow it live from 20:00 UK time.

Comments121 - 150 of 683
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James, that is a far better excuse. Bet SAF wishes he's thought of that one! Don't worry bomoler... the chemist is open now... you can get your medicine.
From danny_saks on Mon Dec 01 10:33AM
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Bob - GLC are poo, i dont think they do wales proud. Manic and Stereophonics are more like it. Also bob i was going to say i think there should be a mini league between the BIG 3 and liverpool. I reckon Arsenal might win it!! I think Arsenal are a genuine threat for the CL title beating chelsea and Man poo shows on our day we can play.
From jay8my on Mon Dec 01 10:34AM
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i'll answer that one for you Jay! Get rid of Martin Johnson because he has no idea what he is doing!!!!! The problem with the RFU is that they are so busy chucking prawn voluveunts up they're backsides during the pre-match buffet that they forget they are running the country's rugby union! I can't wait till Valentines day when we beat you again and hopefully get Martin Johnson the sack!
From johnnyevz82 on Mon Dec 01 10:35AM
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Annie - manshit sounds like Manchester CITY, so please make up another word (no swearing allowed!) to describe the Busby Babes / Ferguson's terriers aka Manchester UNITED!! I believe that Rory Delap has been rumbled by opposing teams warming up in front of him before he throws - maybe if YOU had warmed up he would have thrown twice as far staright into the net!
From jonathangrosskopf on Mon Dec 01 10:36AM
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Manics are derivitive. Stereos rock. Dakota is an all time classic. Kelly Jones was quite funny on Buzzcocks too.
From danny_saks on Mon Dec 01 10:36AM
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Jay, I think Liverpool might win that mini-league. Arsenal are looking similar to Liverpool at the moment, i.e., overperforming for big games and underperforming when they should win.
I agree that any english team could win the CL, along with Barca who are magic at the moment.
From kgh_r on Mon Dec 01 10:38AM
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moody tariq - Unbetable? Hmm, yes, you're probably right. They'll choke it yet again!
From heed_001 on Mon Dec 01 10:40AM
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And there's a magic in the sound of our name
Here come London Irish to win the game!
From kevin1985kane on Mon Dec 01 10:40AM
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When Eduardo returns it should be him and RVP up front and let Ade know that he cant rely on his spot. He needs to know that he has to pick up his game. He was excellent last season but is relying on that performance for his automatic selection this season. He needs to work harder. We know he can but he needs to be told in no uncertain terms. If he goes at the end of this season i wouldnt be surprised, lets sell him for lots of money and bring in Villa or someone else of genuine class.
From tommihew on Mon Dec 01 10:41AM
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BARCA ARE PLAYING OUT OF THEIR SKIN AT THE MINUTE AND MESSI IS PROVING THAT HE IS THE BESTPLAYER IN THE WORLD AT THIS PRESENT TIME
From quinnbrosltd on Mon Dec 01 10:41AM
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BARCA ARE PLAYING OUT OF THEIR SKIN AT THE MINUTE AND MESSI IS PROVING THAT HE IS THE BESTPLAYER IN THE WORLD AT THIS PRESENT TIME
From quinnbrosltd on Mon Dec 01 10:41AM
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Irish, London Irish.
We've been here for 100 years
and we'll be here for 100 more,
cause we're Irish, London Irish,
London Irish know the score.
London Irish, know the score,
London Irish, know the score.......
From kevin1985kane on Mon Dec 01 10:41AM
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If someone else gets a red card..then it's no big deal, but if ronaldo gets it then it's everywhere on the headlines..that's really annoying!!
From kimi4eva on Mon Dec 01 10:41AM
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126 - i prefer the Phonics but that's only because i'm from the same Valley as them!!!! My fav Phonics song is T-Shirt Suntan off Performance & Cocktails!
From johnnyevz82 on Mon Dec 01 10:42AM
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to jay & johnny vez getting rid of underperforming rugby players etc is easy. Who would you put in their place?
From jonathangrosskopf on Mon Dec 01 10:42AM
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Delap rocks just cause its not pretty he gets stick is it cause you all woudnt mind one in your team and I dont like Man poo so it has to be Manshit for me Jon
From annieh96 on Mon Dec 01 10:42AM
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Hi annie - unlucky again on FB Football u need more training me thinks
Jonathan - I couldnt possibly be an expert in anything, im far too young for that!!
From jay8my on Mon Dec 01 10:42AM
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dnt care obout the result of chelsea,but i know it, u know it and so does everybody that come end of seseon chelsea will be chambs,peace skee-lo 4rom namibia,africa
From skaveru on Mon Dec 01 10:43AM
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Nooooooooo James dont say RVP is better than Adebayor nooooooooo.
From jay8my on Mon Dec 01 10:43AM
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if ronaldo was going to cheat, why didnt he punch it directly in the net
From barrymepham on Mon Dec 01 10:43AM
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I have a Gibson Les Paul signed by the Stereophonics.
Anyone wanna buy it for loadsa money?
From kgh_r on Mon Dec 01 10:44AM
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Stanford Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down.....
Wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha....
Ars
enal wiin at the Bridge, Spurs lose at the Lane, business as usual....
Wahahahahahahahaha....
Ronaldo sent off, can it get better? West Ham you can make it sooo ho hoooo...............
From eliotot on Mon Dec 01 10:44AM
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127 - There will possibly be 10 points between Liverpool and Arsenal tonight so Arsenal are not similar to Liverpool this season.
From kevin1985kane on Mon Dec 01 10:44AM
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Quinn SHUT IT!
From eliotot on Mon Dec 01 10:45AM
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Another false hope at Merseyside. They got that right. Liverpool will win and say "We will win the EPL for sure this year" And in the end lose of course and blame the referees or the manager or smthing. Anyway Rooney should really be careful with those corners. Crybaby Ronaldo may mess up his hair
From martin.mitevski26 on Mon Dec 01 10:45AM
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anne all stoke players are @#$% and most of them are ugly morans
From quinnbrosltd on Mon Dec 01 10:45AM
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What was the points difference twixt Pool and Gunners this time last season?
From eliotot on Mon Dec 01 10:46AM
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Good choice Johnny, im more of a manics fan tho, the song Motorocycle emptyiness is one of my favs songs of all time.
From jay8my on Mon Dec 01 10:46AM
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You sound like Kelly then Johnny? Bet that works with the ladies. Bob, would I get 2.5% VAT discount and then another 20% to entice me to buy during a credit crunch?
From danny_saks on Mon Dec 01 10:47AM
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142 - Because he ain't on the same form as last season!
From kevin1985kane on Mon Dec 01 10:47AM
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