The return of Billericay Dickie
Mon Mar 03 08:47AM
For all those at Upton Park on Saturday, it may come as something of a surprise to find out that Frank Lampard's sending-off was only the second worst decision of the weekend.
Lamps was dismissed against his old club for ersatz tag-team wrestling with Luis Boa Morte, bringing back an old Saturday afternoon tradition without the aid of Big Daddy, Kendo Nagasaki or Kent Walton
The referee's assistant told referee Peter Walton (no relation) that Lampard's hand connected with Boa Morte's face and the midfielder was given a straight red card. But the only logical rationale for this was the referee's assistant had a detached retina so expect lots of column inches and probably a successful appeal.
However this was small fry to the injustice that was the dismissal of Stoke captain Andy Griffin at QPR yesterday - who saw red for diving in AND cleanly winning the ball.
And who was it brandishing the card? Yes, it was an incredible return to the limelight for Andy D'Urso. ED doesn't normally bother knocking refs (too easy, too lazy, too Sky) but we'll make an exception for Billericay's finest.
Ian Dury's song about a man from D'Urso's hometown recites that "I'm not a blinking thicky, I'm Billericay Dickie and I'm doing very well."
Mr D'Urso's career is not "doing very well".
Although the fastest backheeling referee of the modern era, thanks to the practice he received being chased by Roy Keane, Nicky Butt, David Beckham, Jaap Stam and Gary Neville for having the temerity to award a penalty at Old Trafford, the Essex official is a calamity zone.
He was dropped from the 'Select Group' of match referees by the Football Association in the summer of 2005 - presumably for being a blockhead.
And his one appearance in the Premier League this season - he was the fourth official for Fulham v Middelesbrough and then replaced the injured Lee Mason - saw his assistant deny David Healy a clear goal, presumably just to continue the D'Urso legacy.
It came to our attention over the weekend that Michael Proctor (remember him, played 21 games for Sunderland in the Premiership in 2003) is now up front for the worst team in the Football League, Wrexham.
The reason being obvious - he's not very good. So why is D'Urso still knocking around officiating high-profile Championship games?
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Avram Grant could have afforded himself a smile on Saturday evening.
After being maligned all week by all and sundry following the Carling Cup defeat, he then recalled a trio of superstars he'd left out of his starting XI at Wembley and saw them all score against the Hammers.
Not only Michael Ballack but Joe Cole and Ashley Cole were also on the scoresheet - the Israeli was on such a hot streak that he could probably have summoned George Cole from The Winchester Club to bag a brace.
However when he picked up his copy of the News of the World on Sunday to find out what Jermain Defoe had been up to with a girl called 'Giggle', he would also have found out that Didier Drogba, Frank Lampard, Michael Essien and Ricardo Carvalho "will walk out" if Grant stays in charge.
True or not true - and this is the NOTW so draw your own conclusions - Grant's biggest problem is simply that he has too many players - 26 senior professionals at last count.
Even in an era of seven subs, Grant could have three players injured or suspended and still not find room in his matchday squad for the likes of Steve Sidwell, Tal Ben-Haim, Wayne Bridge, Claudio Pizarro and Salomon Kalou.
His predecessor Jose Mourinho always made a point of having a squad of 22 while Arsene Wenger only allows those eligible for a Young Person's railcard to sit on his bench for an extended period.
And Alex Ferguson has always found "good squad men", the likes of Clayton Blackmore then Phil Neville and now John O'Shea and Darren Fletcher who are quite happy to stick around and play 15 games a season for a big club knowing they are only an outbreak of diarrhea at Carrington's away from playing in a Cup final.
Grant needs more Sidwells, more Scott Sinclairs and less egos.
- - - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Kevin has got the players playing very well," Newcastle chief executive Chris Mort is still loving the work of Mr Keegan.
COMING UP: Who is in the Team of the Week - find out soon (that Agbonlahor really is quite good!)
TODAY'S TALKING POINT: What's the harshest sending off of all-time - leave your feedback with a special bonus point for anyone who has been harbouring a grudge for over 20 years.
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IM this storyHarshest sending off? Possibly Rooney's by Kim Milton Nielsen. The Danish stiff was apparently feeling guilty when he accepted Rooney's claps as ironic and not as the rare and candid sign of approval for a small man from a well-paid superstar that it was.
From is_spc on Mon Mar 03 09:02AMI would say Bronkhorst when he was with Arsenal for "diving". When actually what happened was that he stumbled and got up got up a second later and started chasing the ball again. He didn't even look at the referee to think he was fouled and then later he turned around and saw a red card being shown and was completely shocked.
I'm a Man Utd fan btw.Anybody knows who Arsenal played against and who was the referee for the game?From dark.soul_bullet4myvalentine on Mon Mar 03 09:35AMI would have sent him off as well for clapping! How come nobody clapped at Collina?
From irvin_selimovic on Mon Mar 03 09:37AMI know it wasn't a Red, but surely Gazza takes the prize for the most pointless Yellow when he was at Rangers?! It was when he picked up the dropped card and for a laugh showed it the ref instead. In turn the ref booked him for being cheeky!!!
From duncan.hayes2 on Mon Mar 03 09:53AM@dark.soul_bullet4myvalentine:
That was against Liverpool at Anfield, 22nd December 2001. Paul Durkin was the ref who sent him off with a second yellow. Liverpool went on to win 4-0.
From therealdaklone on Mon Mar 03 10:47AMi wish to tell the referee/lines man who gave lampard a red card to look for another career. they are not worthy enough to be part of good officiating. people like these are enemies of best celebrated league in the planet. richard obodo rc16uk@yahoo.co.uk
From rc16uk on Mon Mar 03 10:50AMi cannot forgive the center referee for his act over the weekend in chelseas match with west ham. people like him should be punished and never allowed to be part of the game anymore. he spoit the game after the red card to lampard and he became biased trying to make ammends in the second half of the game. please he should be removed and replace with younger and enegetic referees. @#$%dozie richyk16@mail.com
From rc16uk on Mon Mar 03 10:55AMDavid Beckham'sed card against Argentina in the 98 world cup, that was needless for the ref!!!!
From kudachisepo2000 on Mon Mar 03 10:58AMLampards was harsh at the weekend, but he deserved to be sent off for being a jumped up cockney who can't stop eating. I'm surprised his red card wasn't deflected off someone to him, as seems to be the case with Mr Fatty Fatty Fat Fat Lampard.
From rick7unit on Mon Mar 03 10:59AMDonkeys years ago Kevin Ratcliffe ran over half the length of the pitch to head butt an opposition player near a corner flag. I know it sounds like something Drunken Duncan Ferguson would do, but it was Ratters. Outrageous decision by the ref to send him off!
From andywalker269 on Mon Mar 03 11:01AMAha....Harshness abound. Deal with it, being a hammer i live for it!
For true harshness, burn in hell Mr K.Hackett for carding Tony ( el suavo) Gale in The F.A cup semi final for breathing too close to an opponent. Lampards was harsh and deserves rescinding(amusing as it was) but makelelelelelele hee-hoo should be dragged off to a barn and bolt gunned for his unpunished career ender of a "tackle". Ho hum, referees eh......
From chefisd on Mon Mar 03 11:10AMDarren Fletcher, John O'Shea, Wes Brown. All squad players without the bottle to test themselves, safety it seems is pivotal to these £50k a week players.
From paul.latham78 on Mon Mar 03 11:12AMMany moons ago, Man City's Paul Power was sent off. He was already on a yellow when he got some mud in his eye, which left him half-blind because he wore contacts. He fumbled to the touchline to get it removed and promptly got a second yellow for leaving the pitch without permission. And on another of City's dark days around 98/99 I remember Andy Morrison getting dismissed for kissing an opponent who was trying to wind him up!!
From jcaley1 on Mon Mar 03 11:18AMBy the way, has anybody seen the U Tube footage of the Japan v China match last week? It seems the Chinese players wanted to extract revenge for 1930s Japanese invasions of Manchuria and a million other injustices - it is just brutal tackle after brutal tackle, and even a incident like the infamous Schumacher assault on Batiston in the World Cup with the Chinese goalie taking out a Japanese forward with a "challenge" (kung fu kick) at about at nipple height. There were a few yellow cards but I don't know about red cards. If there were no red cards the ref must have been Stevie Wonder. Makes some of the red cards mentioned above look what they are - pathetic.
From andywalker269 on Mon Mar 03 11:21AMAnd let me add to Paul Latham's comment. When City play United, the first three names we look for on their teamsheet: Fletcher, O'Shea, Brown. Win guaranteed!
From jcaley1 on Mon Mar 03 11:22AMOh another sending off came to mind, Marco Metterazzi(sp) was shown a second yellow card a fortnight ago apparently for getting so close to Torres such that the Liverpool striker fell down under pressure and the former was given his marching orders!!!!!
From kudachisepo2000 on Mon Mar 03 11:24AMZidane's sending off at the WC, Materazzi deserved it
From double_t_uk2002 on Mon Mar 03 12:08PMMaybe not the harshest, but certainly the most extraordinary sending off I witnessed was many, many moons ago (easily beating the 20 year limit here) when Hearts were playing one of the Dundee teams (United I think). Upset with a decision given against him, Jimmy Bone strode fully 20 yards to the referee & presented him with a point blank 2 fingered salute - the ref almost dropped his cards in his eagerness to give the butt ugly, tub of lard striker his marching orders!
Them were the days!!From ralph.seaton on Mon Mar 03 01:43PMThere will be a day before i start pushing up grass that the idiots who claim to know about football will actually read the laws of the game then take a refereeing course and actually use their feet to administer what they have learnt and then perhaps they may stop knocking us guys who go out every week to referee. Appreciation may then be accepted rather than the constant knocking of officials. If you knew anything about the game you would know why Andy D'urso was relegated to the Championsgip and no longer a member of the elite. You would also know that the media was also part of the reason due to their lack of knowledge.
From shalakouk on Mon Mar 03 06:31PMwell...great to see people who agree on lampards injustice....Chelsea is back
From omobobo on Mon Mar 03 06:38PM
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