General Message Board
TO: The Citizens of the Colony Previously Known as the United States of America
After considerable debate and a Brainstorming/chillout session at Pomeroy’s wine Bar the British people, The British Government and Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II have decided that the colony formally known as the United States of America is much too large for its own good.
It has therefore been decided that several parts of the colony will be disposed of.
1. All states and or parts of states North of the 420 Parallel (northern), with the exception of Alaska, will be ceded to Canada, it really belongs to the Canadians anyway. Canada will retain any areas it at present holds which are situated South of the said revised border.
2. Alaska will be sold back to the Russians at a realistic price; we acknowledge that they were outsmarted in the original purchase. We however see a significant profit for the Chancellor of the Exchequer. Which will of course be used for the benefit of British taxpayers.
3. The states know as California, New Mexico, Arizona and Texas will be returned in their entirety to Mexico. After all most of the inhabitants are Mexicans.
4. The state known as Louisiana will be offered for sale. Initially to France and or Canada. In the event that no successful bid is returned by these two countries, Louisiana will be placed on E-Bay.
5. The southern swamp known as Florida will be ceded to Cuba as they seem to be the only people who want it.
6. The Sandwich Islands, know as Hawaii to Americans will be returned to its indigenous people. The most direct descendant of King Kamehameha will be named as ruler.
7. All Military bases out side of the continental area of the restructured country will be handed to the country or nation now owning the area where the bases are situated. This will include but not be limited to, Canada, Mexico, Cuba, The Kingdom of Hawaii, The Azores, B.I.O.T , Germany and Turkey. The Latter is a country by the way not a bird.
Please do not think that we will fail to support our new colonists during this minor disruption. The British Government will be sending one of our most prominent politicians to easy the trans-session. He has now cleared the decks after his previous commitment to Big Brother and will consequently be able to give you his full attention.
His name is George Galloway whom I am sure you all aware of after his recent successful appearance in front of your congressional inquiry.
As stated previously, Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776.
Thank you for your cooperation.
PS The importation of Tea will henceforth be arranged through the Canadian port of Boston.
PPS May I ask Yahoo to please start a poll to determine a name for this new colony,