General Message Board
All of the jokes below are not us English but from some well known americans!
"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France." —Jay Leno
"Did you see the new bomb the government came up with? It weights 21,000 pounds. The Air Force tested this bomb in Florida and the bomb blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered." —Jay Leno
"Broadway producers are saying that because of the war, musicals are suffering from weak ticket sales. Not only that, over at 'Les Miserables,' the French are refusing to take part in the revolution." —Conan O'Brien
"There was another war-related casualty today. The French were injured when they tried to jump on our bandwagon." —Jay Leno
"In protest of France's opposition to a U.S. war on Iraq, the U.S. Congress' cafeteria has changed french fries and french toast to 'freedom fries' and 'freedom toast.' Afterwards, the congressmen were so pleased with themselves, they all started freedom kissing each other. In a related story, in France, American cheese is now referred to as 'idiot cheese.'" —Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"
"Army personnel in Kuwait unloaded a dozen faulty tanks that only go in reverse. Tanks that only go in reverse — they've been repackaged and sold to France." —Craig Kilborn
"I would call the French #$%$, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with #$%$. I say we invade Iraq, then invade Chirac." —Dennis Miller (Click for more of Dennis Miller's rant)
"The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq." —Dennis Miller
"As you know our Allies of Evil are not being helpful with this Iraqi situation. With all due respect I think President Bush is handling this situation all wrong What Bush should do is send someone the French really respect, like Jerry Lewis." —Jay Leno
"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." —Conan O'Brien
"Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. Not with Iraq. With France and Germany. How did we screw that one up?" —Jay Leno
"President Bush and National Security Guard Tom Ridge launched the new Department of Homeland Security, just 24 hours after taking us down to threat level French — I'm sorry, I mean threat level yellow." —Craig Kilborn
"President Bush has called for the end of the marriage tax calling marriage a 'sacred institution recognized by God and man.' Wow, this guy can't stop slamming the French." —Craig Kilborn
"According to the Pentagon today, secret surrender negotiations are now underway with key Iraqi military officials. That's what the Pentagon said: We're in secret negotiations, so for God sakes, don't tell anyone. ... What we're doing basically is giving these key Iraqi military officials instructions on how to surrender. See, this is where we could have used the French." —Jay Leno
"President Bush has delivered a new resolution to the U.N. saying that Saddam has failed to cooperate with U.N. resolutions, freeing us to get our war on. Don't mess with us France, or we'll send Jerry Lewis to Iraq as a human shield." —Craig Kilborn
"After what they say was an exhaustive investigation, the Defense Minister of France said today that Osama bin Laden is either still in hiding in Afghanistan, he may have escaped to Pakistan, or he may be dead. Hey, France, thanks a lot. We'll take it from here. Hard to believe they were invaded twice." —Jay Leno
Q: What are they calling the Germans, French and Belgians, at the Pentagon?
A: "The Axis of Weasels."
Q. Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?
A. So the French can show them how to surrender.
Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?
A: Nobody knows, it's never been tried.
Q. Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A. Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
Q. Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees?
A. So the Germans could march in the shade.
Q: How many gears does a French tank have?
A: 4 reverse and 1 forward, in case the enemy attacks from the rear.
Q: How can you identify a French Infantryman?
A: Sunburned armpits.
Q. What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
A. You can make soldiers out of toast.
Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A. The Army.
Anyone see the French Military Rifle on eBay? It's never been shot and only dropped once!