You a busy lad then. Have you ever heard of Paul Whitehouse the comedian, he actually used Teeside for some of his sketches, anyhoo, I digress. Paul works on the principle that the same joke over and over again is still funny. I like the way you stick to that principle - unfortunately you seemed to have missed something, the funny part!
Suppose you just got home from the match and needed to take your frustration out on somebody, or are you just really, really sad and felt you needed to say that at about half four in the morning. Please God - I hope it was the first and not the second. Please.