Middlesbrough have agreed personal terms with Turkey international Tuncay Sanli as they attempt to find a replacement for striker Mark “tubby” Viduka.
The 25-year-old Fenerbahce forward, who is currently far too skinny, will now undergo a deep fried mars bar diet with a view to stepping into Big Vids boots.
The head chef at the Riverside flew to Newcastle earlier this week to recruit the help of NUFC Chairman “Fat Freddy” Shepperd and most importantly the recipe for pigs lips pie.
Steve Gibson proudly announced “The lad looks promising, his skin is pretty stretchy and I am sure we will have a fat lad on our team again soon. At the moment the fridges are empty cos Mark made a sandwich for the coach up to Newcastle, but with Freddy’s help we wont be losing more lardy strikers anytime soon.”
Reports say that the striker with more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book was unhappy at the Riverside with the canteen arrangements and was lured North by the bigger portions on offer, also his admiration for new manager Sam Allardyce, another confirmed salad dodger, was a key factor.
“I was offered a very good menu by Newcastle, and also an nice apartment above McDonalds on Northumberland Street “ said Viduka “ I will miss the beautiful Teesside scenery, but I love to eat and I am excited at the prospect of playing in front of 52,000 pie gobblers”
Boro manager Gareth Southgate expressed his regret at Viduka’s departure “I for one will be sorry to see him go, Mark was an excellent training aid, we would jog round him for exercise, we offered him a 24 hour all-you-can-eat buffet service but sadly it wasn’t enough”