It's official: M'Bro top of the league(for worst places to live)
Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly believe this! I feel so blessed! I am so proud to accept this honour on behalf of the people of Middlesbrough. Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to bow down before me and accept that even in my wildest pool parties, I never would have fantasized that this could ever validate my mediocrity. And to the other brilliant nominees, I want each of you to know how totally vindicated your jealousy makes me feel right now!
You know when they first told me Boro was nominated, I just had to take a Xanax and obsess about how freakish my experiences have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda numb
You know, there are so many obsequious leeches to thank! First off though, I want to bitch slap those esteemed idiots, the local authorities, the Home Office and the Office For National Statistics.giving us this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank Vishnu, for being such a powerful force in my loins. And to the hooker with the heart of gold, who taught me to take life by the armpit hairs. And finally, to all the illegitimate children I sired - I couldn't have done it without you!