Januzaj to get 2,900% pay rise - or perhaps a 4,900% pay rise. Or maybe 5,900%: The Sun, Daily Mirror and Daily Mail all report that Manchester United's 18-year-old Belgian sensation Adnan Januzaj will be handed a vast pay rise to keep him at Old Trafford on a long-term deal. That will translate to a pay bump from £1,000 a week to £30,000 a week (according to The Sun), £50,000 a week (if you read the Mirror) and £60,000 a week (in the Daily Mail). The deal will come quickly, since the player's existing contract expires next summer. "Old Trafford chiefs are desperate not to be embarrassed again in the same way they were with Paul Pogba," the Sun reports, referring to Alex Ferguson's refusal to give in to Pogba's demands that precipitated a move to Juventus - where he has now emerged as one of the best players in Serie A.
Paper Round says: The emergence of Adnan Januzaj as one of the brightest young talents in British football has been the sold bright spot of David Moyes' time so far as manager. Yet there currently seems no compelling reason for the Belgian teenager to stay: if he can resist the temptation of an immediate pay rise, he would easily be able to command around £50,000 elsewhere - and (joke warning) have the added bonus of playing for a club that is in contention for trophies.
There's only one problem with all these reports: the numbers are so different that they've all clearly plucked out of thin air. Meaningless. So we're going to go ahead and predict that Januzaj will be offered an amazing £300,000,000 a week! With a £10,000,0000-a-goal bonus! You heard it here first, folks…
Modric to snub United move: Luka Modric will reject any advance from Manchester United in the January transfer window, according to the Daily Mail. "The former Tottenham midfielder, 28, has been linked with a move to Manchester United following a tough start to life in Spain following his switch from White Hart Lane in 2012," the paper reports, but, "he plans to hang up his boots at Real Madrid."
Paper Round says: Modric seems on solid ground - he struggled for time on the pitch last season, but has made 10 appearances already this term so it seems as if Carlo Ancelotti is ready to give him plenty of opportunities. Certainly not the time for him to walk away.
Fulham to nab one of Alex Ferguson's chief lieutenants: Former Manchester United first team coach Rene Meuelensteen has been offered a job at Craven Cottage, according to the Daily Mail. "Meulensteen met Fulham chiefs for dinner towards the back end of September and the highly-respected coach impressed during talks. Discussions over a move for Sir Alex Ferguson's right-hand man have progressed steadily over recent days, culminating in Fulham's offer," the paper reports.
Paper Round says: The stock of all Fergie's former coaches has risen just as United's has fallen in the last three months - particularly given the recent reports about Fergie's dire warning to David Moyes not to axe the back room staff. Fulham desperately need an extra dimension to their game and bringing in someone with years of experience at the highest level seems a sound move.
'The FA couldn't choose a decent England manager if their lives depended on it': Harry Redknapp's new book is serialised in the Daily Mail, and he's still furious about losing out on the national team job. "This isn't about them giving the England job to me or Roy Hodgson, but English football being run by people who really haven't got a clue. And they get to pick the England manager!" he writes.
"Everyone said I was the people's choice, the only choice. All the senior players seemed to be up for me to get the job. I got quite a few text messages at the time from players saying they would love me to manage England: Steven Gerrard, Wayne Rooney, Rio Ferdinand, John Terry. But the FA went for Roy Hodgson to be the England manager - a man who is more their cup of tea."
Redknapp also claims that Brendan Rodgers had agreed in principle to be his number two - and admits that the £16m compensation Spurs would have demanded for Redknapp was probably the real reason he didn't get offered the England job.
Paper Round says: Oh Harry. It was 18 months ago - does anybody really care any more? Time to move on.