Every paper The Daily Mirror claims that Luis Suarez has told friends he is "destroyed" by the 10-match ban he has received for biting Chelsea's Branislav Ivanovic - and that he could leave English football as a result.
As for his likely destination... Well, while the Romanian League is the obvious answer - surely some Transylvanian team will take him? - the Mirror rather boringly rehashes the claim that Pep Guardiola wants to make him his marquee signing at Bayern Munich when he takes the reins this summer, a deal made seemingly more likely due to the fact that Guardiola's brother is Suarez's agent.
The Daily Star also leads with the story that Liverpool bosses fear Suarez will go: "There is a feeling at the club that Suarez will use the latest incident to try to force an exit in the summer," they report, suggesting that either Bayern or PSG will pay up to £35m for the Uruguayan.
The Sun's story has fewer interesting titbits, but it does at least have a great headline: "Thank chew and goodnight" - though we also liked the Daily Star's "The biter end".
The Sun's sub-editors don't do so well with their headline for the report on Borussia Dortmund's 4-1 hammering of Real Madrid: "Four sprung durch technik", which, to paraphrase The Simpson's B-Sharps, is a line that's funny at first but becomes less so every time you read it.
The Daily Mail leads its back page with a similar Teutonic pun: "Fussball's coming home" they write, alluding to the thumping victories of Bayern and Dortmund over Barcelona and Real, and the likely all-German Champions League final at Wembley that seems in prospect next month.
The Sun's big exclusive story is about Jose Mourinho, and the £53 million transfer deal for Atletico Madrid's Radamel Falcao that will be part of the deal that brings him back to Chelsea.
"The Real Madrid boss is desperate to return to his old job at Stamford Bridge. And now we can reveal Mourinho has chosen Colombian ace Falcao to join his second coming," the paper reports.
The Daily Mail reports that Neymar's dad has "has fired the starting pistol for one of the biggest transfer scrambles of recent times" after confirming that his son will leave for Europe after next year's World Cup.
It's nothing new - the player himself has said as much several times before - but the fact that his dad is also his agent adds even more credibility to what we already knew would happen. The Mail claims the price tag - notwithstanding triumph or disaster at the World Cup - will be £50m, with Barca, Real and Chelsea leading the chase.
Tony Pulis is to leave Stoke City before the end of this season, the Mirror claims, adding that "his departure could be announced as soon as they clinch mathematical Premier League safety." That means Saturday's match against Norwich could be his last in charge of the Potters.
The 55-year-old is apparently unhappy at the lack of backing he's had in the transfer market, and also with restructuring at the club.
The Mirror claims that Brighton's Gus Poyet, ex-Chelsea boss Roberto di Matteo and Arsenal coach Steve Bould are on Stoke's shortlist to replace Pulis, who has kept Stoke in the top flight against all expectations for over five years now.