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Hot football transfer gossip: Man Utd make final lunge for Bale
If the transfer window were a provincial nightclub, we’re getting close to the time of night where alcohol is kicking in and seriously affecting decision-making. Some people’s standards are starting to drop, while others are still resolutely plugging away at their main targets despite having already been repeatedly knocked back.
In the latter camp is Manchester United boss Louis van Gaal, who has had his eyes set on the hottest girl on the dancefloor all night long. Her name is Gareth Bale.
Most of the guys in the club wouldn’t dare approach her - she’s out of their league, so they’re pretty sure she’d say no. Instead, they’ve been appreciating her assets from a safe distance. But not Van Gaal. He’s a confident, successful guy who always gets what he wants.
He’s already strutted over a few times, run his fingers through his hair, given her a cheeky smile and said, “Hey baby.” Each time, Bale has just turned her back on him and carried on dancing with her other hot friends. Van Gaal then made it even worse by trying to grind up against one of them too. It was a little bit embarrassing actually. But in LVG’s increasingly intoxicated brain the night is still young, and he won’t be taking no for an answer just yet.
According to this morning’s Daily Star, Van Gaal has gone all out with his final throw of the dice to seduce Bale: £65m plus David de Gea. You have to admire his persistence.
It’s a different story for Jose Mourinho, whose standards have fallen sharply as the night has worn on and he’s become increasingly desperate for a centre-back. The Chelsea boss taken a respectful step back from John Stones, whose man Roberto Martinez made it pretty clear was not on the market. But now Mourinho is trying to make Stones jealous by flirting with other, less attractive defenders. They include Monaco’s £15m-rated Tunisian Aymen Abdennour (Daily Mail), Argentine stopper Ezequiel Garay (the Guardian) and even unfancied Chinese star Zhang Lipeng (Telegraph). Jose might just be playing games though, and one suspects he’ll still have one last crack at Stones before the night is out.
Elsewhere on the dancefloor, PSG are flashing wads of cash at Everton’s Seamus Coleman (Star), while Kevin de Bruyne is aggressively twerking Manchester City and you suspect they will start snogging any moment now (Telegraph).
West Brom boss Tony Pulis has dumped Joleon Lescott so he can get with Man Utd’s Jonny Evans, which is great news for Aston Villa’s Tim Sherwood because he’s been eyeing up Lescott all night (Birmingham Mail).
Everyone else is just trying to avoid ending up with the dregs at the end of the night. Norwich have made a pass at Stoke’s Jon Walters (Sky Sports), Steve McClaren is ogling Wolves striker Benik Afobe (Mail) and Sunderland boss Dick Advocaat is in danger of doing something he might regret in the morning: ex-Newcastle skipper Kevin Nolan (Mirror).
