Cow Corner

  • Why do you hate me?

    Why does English Cricket hate the general public? Haven't the general public always been good to English Cricket?

    Now, Cowers hates the general public, but does so for good reason. Cowers hates the general public with just cause: because they walk slowly; drive badly; buy novelty ring-tones for their mobiles; they talk about celebrities on first name terms to fill the cavernous gaps in their own lives; they knock over your motorcycle whilst attempting to reverse park and then claim they didn't, even though you watched them out of your window...

    ...they wear gaudy clothes that are too tight for

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  • Chin music

    16:50: There's more chance of Cow Corner winning Britain's Got Talent with its ventriloquist act than there is of play resuming. We'll call that a day, barring any miracles.

    Which brings us to: COMPETITION RESULT!

    New Zealand's run rate today was a brisk 3.74 an over, which means the winner is... terrysmith2014!

    Well done sir, your 3.75 was almost exactly right. No wonder you are a top executive. Send your details to and the coveted notepad will be in the post by, ooh, let's say Tuesday.

    Cow Corner is back tomorrow from 10am or thereabouts. See you then.

    Day one

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  • Strauss leads from the front

    21:50: Eng 301-3 (92 overs) WICKET! : WOW - where did that come from!! The first ball with the new pill is banged in by Edwards and strikes Kevin Pietersen in the bicep. Very much in the mode of Arsene Wenger he tells Strauss "I did not see it." And then the banged in bouncer ends Strauss' vigil as the attempted pull lands straight in the arms of bowler Edwards. 169 for the skipper, a fine effort. Nightwatchman Jimmy Anderson survives 13 balls and that's STUMPS - England's day no question.



    21:25: Eng 291-2 (87 overs) : Benn leaves the pitch with a dodgy ankle

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  • Fred or dead?

    Andrew Flintoff went into Lancashire's County Championship game against Sussex looking to increase his dismal batting average of just over five. Mission accomplished.

    Problem is, Freddie fell, caught sub bowled Rayner, for six.

    The greatest all-rounder in the world has gone longer without a decent score than a jailed narcotics baron, and has no chance of being recalled to the England side to play South Africa on Thursday.

    Which is good news for fans of rewriting the record books, as it means England will become the first country ever to pick the same side for six Tests on the bounce.

    That no

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  • 99 Red Buffoons

    Cow Corner looks back at the historic Stanford match, a game marred by the fact that England were useless.

    Due to the credit crunch, Cowers had to try and power his laptop on Lidl home brand batteries and hence was unable to provide a live service but here are our in-game notes.

    Pre-match: Kevin Pietersen wins the toss and elects to bat. The $20 million on offer is the largest single payout for a sporting match but there's still not enough cash for Rudi Koertzen to get a shirt that fits. The umpire strides out in a magenta number, that was the F5 key on the spectrum keyboard wasn't it.


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  • Memories of 1998

    When England walk out at Sabina Park on Wednesday they will be hoping for a better pitch than met the tourists ten years ago.

    As Mike Atherton and Alec Stewart strode out in Kingston, Jamaica on Thursday January 29 1998 they soon realised they faced what a club cricketer of a certain mediocrity sees every Saturday.

    We all know the first XI and the seconds - you know the guys with that annoying mix of youth, keenness and talent - get to play on manicured strips prepared by some old boy from the club who has been cutting the pitch since before the War (often Boer).

    But if you ply your weekend

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  • Tests – just roobish

    Cow has just received an e-mail from Stephen Hawking with a complex formula along the lines of "low career strike rate leads to post-retirement vigilante statements in English Test batsmen".

    Sir Geoffrey Boycott, who once batted for 10 1/2 hours at Headingley against Australia and will never die of a stroke, now thinks five-day Tests should be abolished.

    Boycott said in his Daily Telegraph column: "Tests need a makeover. They should be played over four days with faster over-rates and more imagination. Bring in floodlights for overseas games and stop using dead pitches.

    "The upshot is that at a

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  • Blow selecta!

    Summer Sunday mornings were once an exciting time as you put Ceefax on at around 11am waiting for the latest England Test XI to be announced.

    In the days before Performance Squads, continuity and logic, virtually anyone who had made a 50 or taken a five-for in the previous two weeks in a Championship game was a maybe for the England team.

    This peaked in the great Ceefax summer of 1989 when in a six-match series against Australia, England picked 29 players!

    The likes of John Stephenson and Alan Igglesden made their one and only Test match appearances whilst Chris Tavare, Tim Robinson and 

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  • Wisden Trophy hanging by a thread

    21:30 - Eng 80-3 (15 overs) - WICKET! Cook edges Hinds through to Ramdin and he refers but no let-off and England lose a third wicket. An express spell from Edwards has Pietersen hopping all over the place. KP edges the last delivery of the day to the leg-side boundary and England have it all to do on the last day of the series. See you tomorrow.


    21:15 - Eng 71-2 (13 overs) - Pietersen down on one knee and he
    sweeps Hinds into the crowd at mid-wicket for six. 27 off 20 balls,
    he's lapped and given England half a glimmer. The run rate is five and
    a half an hour. 

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  • Well batted Skip

    7pm: NZ 40-0 (15 overs) -  Ambrose is having a stinker of a day and puts down a tough-ish catch down the leg-side as Redmond tickles Broad off his pads. England's misery is compounded as Vaughan goes down in instalments at mid-on and allows a How shot to go for four.

    That's stumps and with NZ trailing by just two runs, we have in effect a one-day club match. terrysmith2104 please e-mail with your postal details as you are a lip salve champion. We're back at 10am tomorrow and I think I have a signed book to giveaway.


    6.45pm: NZ

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