Cow Corner

Moores: Doesn’t know what he’s doing

Cow Corner

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Lots and lots and lots of hoo-ha over the last 48 hours about Michael Vaughan and Paul Collingwood resigning the England captaincy, and Kevin Pietersen taking over the roles.

Cowers has tried to get his head around the fussin' and a faffin'; tried to reason out a legitimate and rational response to it all.

The conclusion? That rather than Vaughan and Collingwood, it should have been coach Peter Moores handing back his ECB shellsuit, polo-shirt and cap. By rights, it should have been Moores weeping in front of the cameras like a nine-year-old girl begging for the return of her dog-napped labrador puppy.

Because it is Peter Moores who has taken England backwards, not Vaughan or Collingwood. Under previous coach Duncan Fletcher, England rose from bottom of the Test rankings to second place. They won the Ashes for the first time in a generation. He coached the side to 42 victories in 96 Tests.

Since Moores was promoted from the role of national academy director, England have won just seven of 19 Tests - and all those victories came against distinctly average New Zealand and West Indies sides. Against India, Sri Lanka and South Africa, England have been found out.

Basically, Moores has massively stuffed things up. England are going backwards quicker than Shane Warne's hairline, and Moores' incompetance appears to be ducking under the radar.

Can you name one inspired selection that he has made over the last 15 months? One rousing pre-match interview to get the nation believing in his side? One chest-pounding, fist-pumping glimpse of gladiatorial passion on the dressing room balcony? One shrewd bowling plan? One astute field placing?

No. Because there haven't been any.

Remember how utterly lost England looked last summer when Shivnarine Chanderpaul batted and batted and batted? Moore's bowling plans were so ineffective, the home side managed to dismiss the doughty left-hander just three times in 948 balls.

And then a few months later in Sri Lanka, how Mahela Jayawardene batted for 953 balls over just four innings, going on to score two centuries (including an unbeaten 213) and average 158 in a three-Test series?

Moores hasn't got a clue. He might be a fine technical coach, able to turn promising youngsters into good county pros - but he is out of his depth in international cricket. That is a fact. He is floundering, like a freshly-caught trout lying in the sun, waiting to be put out of its misery.

And given how unlikely it seems that Moores himself is going to do it, it's going to take someone else to man-up; someone else is going to have to stand up, pick up their stone priest and cosh that trout hard, just behind his eyes.

Now, Cowers doesn't have the necessary political influence at ECB towers to send Moores packing immediately...but he can at least get the ball rolling with the boo-boys.

So, let's get this choir singing: WE...WANT...MOORES...OUT!...I SAY, WE WANT MOORES OUT! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!

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COMING UP: Pro 40 action from Chelmsford and Cheltenham.

TALKING POINT: Moores. Rip him to shreds. Make him cry.

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