Early Doors

10 extra reasons why you can’t miss the Champions League final

Early Doors

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So it is almost here. The all-German Champions League final sees Bayern Munich face Borussia Dortmund at 7.45pm (BST) on Saturday night at Wembley Stadium. No Premier League teams made it to the home of English football, but that does not mean we should be turning our backs on the best of the Bundesliga. Early Doors came up with 10 reasons why turning over to The Voice on Saturday night would be an act of folly. Even if ED does like Sir Tom Jones. Just look at those glorious German boys below. All they are after is some football and a few big cold beers, but there are other, more ill-informed, reasons why you should consider watching this final.

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To see some of the footballers's Frauleins on show

As Al Pacino's character Tony Montana says in Scarface: "In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women." In football at this level, money talks and the honies follow. Called ED old-fashioned. It doesn't mind. It is all true. In another life, Bastian Schweinsteiger would be standing with a large mug of Erdinger with the rest of the punters. But in this life, he will be cheered on by girlfriend Sarah Brandner from the stands. She has her knockers, and we are not amongst them. We are not knocking Schweini's football skills, but he is certainly punching above his weight off the field. Money talks. Don't hate the player, hate the game.

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See 'Ze Germans' in the stands, not on the sands

To see how early "Ze Germans" (ED chortled at Jason Statham saying this in the movie Snatch) manage to fill Wembley Stadium. ED thinks both sets of fans could be in full voice by 3pm. Think of Wembley as one big beach in Mallorca. 90,000 seats all waiting for Zee Germans to get those towels down.

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To see 'Ze Germans' celebrate in the home of English football

Might not be for everybody this one, but who can forget Andy Moeller's theatrical goose-stepping his way all around the old Wembley after their semi-final win on penalties over England at Euro '96? Moeller sunk the winning kick with some relish. Adding insult to injury, Ze Germans adopted Three Lions afterwards. And began singing it in German. Ludvig van Beethoven couldn't have composed anything better than the Lightning Seeds, Skinner or Baddiel. Football left home for Munich.

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Driving pleasure

Gives you the chance to treasure Germany's success in car manufacturing on the autobahn to Wembley. ED loves its BMW, but also doffs the old titfer to Audi and Volkswagen. Vorsprung durch Technik. Indeed.

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Their players do it so much better than our lot

Well, at least until Jose Mourinho washes up at Chelsea next season. That might be a bit over the top, but who would you rather see in the final? Manchester United or Bayern Munich? Manchester City or Borussia Dortmund? Dortmund were too good for City in the group stages. English teams disappearing before the quarter-final stages was not a huge accident.

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The German supermodels are hot

Gives you the chance to marvel at Germany's success in producing some great football teams, but even tastier supermodels. The age of the super club follows those of the super model. Might be a bit old school now, but yummy mummies or not, ED loves Heidi Klum and Claudia Schiffer. You will too.

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A chance to build international relations

British Prime Minister David Cameron can catch up with German chancellor Angela Merkel on the big night. But what is to stop UKIP leader Nigel Farage doing some mingling regarding his enthusiasm for the EU? A week after Eurovision, Nigel is fresh from being attacked by a rabid group of students in an Edinburgh pub, but could roll out the welcome mat by playing some old episodes of classic television show Auf Wiedersehen, Pet. A statement he might want to make to Merkel on a grander scale.

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Famous German sense of humour

Try and see if you can laugh at any attempts at humour by the managers or players. The Borussia Dortmund manager Jurgen Klopp looks like he could have been a bit of stand-up comic had he not been a football manager. ED wonders if this would be funny in German. "Why did the chicken cross the autobahn?....because his mate was looking for a toilet." ED thinks that would be told by the Munich equivalent of Bernard Manning.

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Curvy women drinking German lager

This might only apply to living in London, but there are women. Some of them might be drunk. Not a bad combination. Get your coat on. ED is of a mind that German women are much better looking than English women. In fact, ED thinks that any female with a foreign accent are much better than British women. This is another stereotype, but ED loves a chortle. Why have a pint of Carling when Bitburger is on offer?

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What are Germans famous for?

To see how many times the commentators mention German efficiency, discipline or organisation. Or all three. With Clive Tyldesley commentating for ITV and Martin Tyler (pictured interviewing Pele in the 1980s, below) probably doing the honours for Sky, these references could get out of hand. Not sure how many mentions there will be of the Blitz, but could slip in there under the radar. A bit like Ze Germans did. Oops, don't mention the war.

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

"My wife and my mother-in-law are psychologists so I do have some experience of this at home, but obviously it's hard to talk about it so much with your family. I've always been interested in this because I can see where the benefits are." Liverpool midfielder Lucas Leiva on the benefits of working with a psychologist. He states the obvious. Everybody's wife and mother-in-laws are psychologists.

COMING UP

Eurosport's Tom Adams will be at Wembley Stadium this afternoon for LIVE coverage of both press conferences and will be attending the open training sessions staged by the finalists. Dortmund hold their media briefing late on Friday afternoon (4.30pm) with Bayern up a couple of hours later. More Champions League preview material is very much the order of the day with regular contributor Jim White also filing his latest offering. Have a good day, sports fans.

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