Cisse suspends belief with glorious goal

The very best goals, the ones that really leave a mark, force you to suspend belief for just a second as they find their way into the back of the net.

Goals like Dennis Bergkamp's pirouette against Newcastle or Marco van Basten's volley at Euro '88 require repeat viewing. On first look, their otherworldliness makes you rub your eyes in confusion, as the sluggish synapses in your brain struggle to spark and successfully make sense of what you have just seen.

Last night, Newcastle's Papiss Cisse scored a goal like that.

Early Doors would say mere words cannot capture the sheer brilliance of his effort against Chelsea, and in truth they cannot. So if you are in the UK then head over here for a quick peek in full-cream, HD glory.

However, ED is paid to write down good words and stuff, so should really give it a go.

Latching on to a throw that had been chested down into his path by the left touchline, Cisse made a thunderous connection with the outside of his right boot.

Initially his shot appeared to be destined for the stands to the left of the goal, yet, apparently defying the laws of physics, it suddenly became subject to what students of prehistoric football computer games from the early 1990s might describe as after-touch as it quickly changed trajectory and bent viciously towards goal, soaring over the head of Petr Cech and burying itself just inside the far post.

It almost had a cinematic quality, as though a heat-seeking missile from an American fighter jet had been fired hundreds of yards wide of its target, only to latch onto its correct path and accelerate ominously before blowing apart a Russian MiG. All that was missing was a burst of "Highway to the danger zone" and a distinctly homoerotic game of volleyball and it could have been the recently announced sequel to Top Gun.

It was, said Newcastle manager Alan Pardew, who shared a rather touching moment of disbelief in the aftermath with a bemused Didier Drogba, an "astonishing goal. Cisse took a chance. You could see he meant it and he's hit it absolutely true".

In its defiance of science, with that heavenly shot following a pre-destined path to the top corner, it was a goal fit to give you a religious experience.

Well, either that or ED is somewhat delirious this early in the morning and it was a massive fluke.

However, such a mean-spirited interpretation would drastically underestimate a striker who since his arrival for a fee of just £9 million from Freiburg in January has surpassed all expectations, elevating himself rapidly into the group of the Premier League's elite strikers with 13 goals in 12 games.

Cisse also has a very enviable knack of scoring unconventional, brilliant goals. His near-post volley against Norwich, the scooped lob against Swansea and, prior to THAT goal on Wednesday night, his first effort against Chelsea was also a thing of beauty, echoing Matt Le Tissier in its chip-up-and-volley execution.

His form since moving to England has firmly disproved the theory, espoused by Sir Alex Ferguson and others, that there is no value in the January transfer market.

Quite why this opinion has carried any weight at all has always confused ED. Have these people never heard of Christophe Dugarry?

In any case, Cisse has surely put that theory to bed, and the utmost credit must go to Newcastle's chief scout Graham Carr and manager Alan Pardew for recruiting one of the most exciting strikers seen in English football for many a year.

The only question that now remains with two games left of the season is whether Cisse's goals can take Newcastle into the Champions League, as their performances across the campaign have surely deserved?

Few teams have matched the aesthetic heights of Newcastle this season - Hatem Ben Arfa's solo effort against Bolton was another goal of the season contender, while Yohan Cabaye has been a delicious addition in midfield - yet with Arsenal one point in front with two games remaining, Spurs boasting a far superior goal difference and games against Manchester City and Everton to come, their chances of a top-four finish do appear somewhat remote.

Of course, even if Newcastle do finish fourth that achievement will prove redundant if Chelsea win the Champions League final against Bayern Munich and finish fifth or sixth. Such a scenario would be the cruellest of blows to Pardew and his side.

But even if Champions League football does prove to be beyond their grasp, the memories of this campaign will persist, none more so than Cisse's remarkable, borderline illogical goal against Chelsea.

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Early Doors likes to bring you a little flavour of foreign football in its early morning dispatches but today we extend that to more of a compendium, such were the many newsworthy events occurring on the continent last night.

FOREIGN VIEW 1: Where else to start but in Spain, where Real Madrid secured the Liga title for the first time since 2008 courtesy of a 3-0 win at Athletic Bilbao. Deposing this Barcelona side is a remarkable achievement for Jose Mourinho, who has now won league titles in four different countries. With 115 goals in 36 games, Madrid have already smashed the Spanish scoring record for a single season; with two games remaining they may yet reach 100 points, another record. This has been a triumph of the will for Mourinho, knocking one of football's great teams off their perch, and just reward for an unbelievably consistent, frighteningly destructive team. Hala Madrid.

FOREIGN VIEW 2: But even on a night when Madrid were crowned Spanish champions, Barcelona's Lionel Messi demanded a share of the limelight. With a hat-trick against Malaga, his seventh of the season in La Liga, the Argentina forward moved onto 46 league goals for the campaign, but more importantly 68 for the season - a tally which surpasses the record for a top-tier European team set by the great Gerd Mueller with Bayern Munich in 1972-73. Barcelona still have two league games remaining as well as the Copa del Rey final against Athletic Bilbao. Truly, words are no longer enough.

FOREIGN VIEW 3: While brilliance was the order of the day in Spain, Italy witnessed belligerence as Fiorentina coach Delio Rossi quite unbelievably attacked his own player, Adem Ljajic, after the midfielder reacted petulantly to being substituted in a Serie A game against Novara. Rossi thumped Ljajic as coaching staff and players tried to pull him away and unsurprisingly was immediately sacked by the Viola. You can watch the remarkable video here.

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QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I can see it's a joke, everyone can see it's a joke. Life's too short. The world is bankrupt and we're worrying about The Sun doing what they do... who really cares? Is anyone really upset? No. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, and I'm sure Roy is big enough to take care of himself. It hasn't ever bothered me. I'm used to it. And I'm sure it doesn't bother Roy. Also, he is an incredibly well-read, intelligent man. He will take it as a joke. Everyone knows The Sun has a cheeky sense of humour." - The Sun wheel out Jonathan Ross to defend their "Bwing on the Euwos!" front page.

COMING UP: The Championship play-offs get going tonight as Cardiff City host West Ham in the first leg of their semi-final. We will have live text commentary on the game that gets underway at 19:45.

Prior to that, Zonal Marking's Michael Cox runs his tactical eye over Manchester City's victory over Manchester United on Monday night, Eurospot analyses the media reaction to Roy Hodgson's appointment and we publish the second part of our three-part interview with Gary McAllister.

Oh, and there is the latest Fantasy Injury Report and an update from Germany from Never Mind the Ballacks. Plenty to keep you busy.