Jim White

  • Goalkeepers strike back

    Rob Green
    clearly feels a vindicated man. After his fine performance against Tottenham at
    the weekend, the Rustenburg blunderer gave a robust gesture to the occupants of
    the Boleyn Ground press box.

    You didn't
    need a PHD in mime studies from Marcel Marceau University to understanding what
    lay behind that gesture. The acid critics in the newspapers, Green felt, were
    just wrong. He was a decent keeper, and they were misrepresenting him. It was,
    his body language insisted, all their fault.

    For his
    trouble, Green received a letter from the FA outlining what the organisation
    called "his

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  • Beckham really is a fraud

    David Beckham got a pretty hostile reception when he turned out for LA Galaxy in his first game back on Californian soil this season.

    The game was against Milan, the very team he was playing for on loan recently. And, to greet their returning superstar, fans at the Home Depot stadium unfurled a banner which read 'Go Home Fraud'. When they booed his every touch of the ball, Beckham became incensed by their rudeness and apparently vaulted an advertising hoarding, advanced on the fans and offered to take them all on.

    One man responded to his gestures and ran down the steps of the stand towards

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  • Owen’s timing remains perfect

    An interesting thing happened on Saturday: Michael Owen scored twice for Newcastle. It was an achievement that was over-shadowed by Stoke's brisk and muscular comeback at St James' Park. But what Owen did will have been noted beyond the confines of his club. Particularly the manner in which the goals were scored: ruthless, swift and clinical.

    I played football for over 20 years and in that entire time scored about three goals. This was in part because I was completely useless, a player with not so much two left feet as no feet at all. But mainly it was because scoring goals is astonishingly

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  • Carling Cup now playground of rich

    Assuming that the game does not succumb to the sort of contagion of hacking and spitting not seen outside the movie 28 Days Later, Chelsea will take on Bolton Wanderers in the Carling Cup tonight.

    The home side will be fortified against the arrival of the swine flu in the Bolton baggage by Carlo Ancelotti's patented remedy: warm milk and red wine. But such is the prevalence of the virus among Bolton's players, in the event of a draw at the end of extra time maybe the referee could decide things by a snot-off. Instead of penalties, the first side to fill an entire box of tissues with mucus

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  • Bellamy the Bluebird

    Craig Bellamy has packed his bags and gone
    back to Cardiff. Which means down in South Wales, even if the Ryder Cup is
    heading their way in about six weeks time, everyone would be advised to lock up
    their golf clubs.

    The oldest swinger (of a three iron) in
    town is going back to the place of his birth, taking a cut in division (if not
    in pay) in the hope of projecting the local team to the Premier League. And he
    could well make a difference to Cardiff City's prospects.

    Quick of limb and wits, a sharp finisher
    and a man full of passion and effort, he could supply the edge which was
    missing last

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  • Whingeing Willy a great signing

    Piers Morgan,
    who believes Arsene Wenger arrived at the Emirates from atop Mount Olympus and
    would generally claim anyone in possession of an Arsenal shirt was the very
    epitome of unimpeachable genius, once described William Gallas as "a great big
    whining French blouson." Which given that the Frenchman was, at the time,
    Arsenal skipper, was tantamount to sacrilege.

    Morgan's was, however, an opinion
    that found widespread purchase in the stands at the Emirates at the time. Which
    may well explain why his defection across North London to Tottenham this week
    has been greeted with crushing

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  • Not a draw, a fix

    At one point during the interminable and bombastic Champions League draw, Gary Lineker cracked a joke.

    The Match of the Day presenter was responsible for drawing the group numbers out of glass bowls and made chortling reference to hot balls. He was recalling the old-style method of fixing a draw, the way in which the tokens were heated up to ensure the right ones were pulled from the hat.

    The joke passed unnoticed by the UEFA officials on duty. But then, even if they'd spotted it, Michel Platini and his outfit would not have concerned themselves with the quip. They have no need of hot balls

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  • Now is the time for City to make a statement

    After last week's debt derby, this weekend sees the spondalicious showdown, the wonga-fuelled extravaganza, the 90 minutes when - to quote Ian Faith, Spinal Tap's legendarily philosophical manager - money talks and bulls**t walks.

    When Manchester City play Chelsea tomorrow lunchtime the combined wealth of the two clubs' owners will be somewhere north of £25 billion. Perhaps even more than that: such is their astronomical dimensions of their reserves, they both will have earned enough in interest overnight to wipe out the critical levels of debt currently afflicting Liverpool and Manchester

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  • It is only a matter of time for Terry

    I caught a re-run wildlife documentary on the television yesterday. It was about a bunch of monitor lizards in Indonesia who were suddenly alerted to the possibility of breakfast by a buffalo straying right into their territory. It was a haughty beast, confident in its scale, seemingly certain it was strong enough to deal with any danger.

    But the lizards thought otherwise, set on it and chased it down. According to the voiceover, the buffalo managed to evade their attentions for hours, occasionally even putting in a couple of lusty blows on his tormentors. But they wore it out, the poison

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  • Scholes absence all too evident

    The joke doing the rounds after last night's game at Old
    Trafford was that, despite all the dire predictions beforehand, a tight,
    disciplined scramble against the best the nation had to offer suggests
    Manchester United could hold their heads up in the Scottish Premier League
    after all.

    Still, whatever the nature of the gallows' humour, the dour
    stalemate with a team he expected to beat easily does not signal the end of
    Alex Ferguson's season. Dropping two points against Rangers can be rectified
    along the way. Particularly as Valencia
    have already demonstrated the congenital weakness of

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