The Rundown

7 ways Luis Suarez could embarrass himself again

The Rundown

Wednesday night marks Luis Suarez’s return from a 10-game ban for biting Branislav Ivanovic – and according to Brendan Rodgers he is “champing at the bit” to return. We bet he is.

You would imagine Suarez will be on his best behaviour after enduring a rather humbling period of his career having sunk his teeth into the Chelsea defender last season.

However, he’s not returng with a nice, relaxed home game at Anfield. Instead Suarez will be thrown into the bear pit that is Old Trafford in the Capital One Cup, and there’s no telling what might happen if he loses his rag again.

That didn’t stop us speculating though, so here’s seven ways Suarez could top biting an opponent in Wednesday night’s game...

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Warms up in a t-shirt showing an image of Kenny Dalglish wearing a t-shirt in support of Luis Suarez

Upset with Rodgers’s refusal to let him join Arsenal this summer, the striker strolls out in a white t-shirt adorned with a special print commemorating King Kenny’s infamous show of support for him following the news he would be banned for eight matches for racially abusing Patrice Evra. Suarez giddily remembers the days when Liverpool managers indulged him to the full.

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Licks Nemanja Vidic when he isn’t looking

Now cursed with a palate for Serbian cuisine following his nibble on Ivanovic, Suarez, marked closely at a corner, can’t resist having a quick taste of United skipper Vidic. He tastes like steel. Suarez regrets his decision immediately.

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Becomes the new King of all the Ball Boys

Jealous of the infamy enjoyed by Charlie Morgan – the Swansea ball boy who got a boot to the ribs from Eden Hazard in last season’s semi-final – Suarez sneakily puts on a tracksuit after being substituted, skips down the line and smothers the ball when it goes out of play to waste a bit of time with Liverpool narrowly leading. The move backfires when Patrice Evra boots him into the 10th row.

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Submits a transfer request at half-time

After suddenly realising he could have been lining up with Carl Jenkinson and Nicklas Bendtner away at West Brom, Suarez thinks enough is enough and, a la Pascal Chimbonda, produces a wrinkled piece of paper from his shin pad at half-time which expresses his formal intention to leave the club. Rodgers calmly slips it into a pre-prepared envelope - one of three he has ready for the occasion.

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Plays a trick on Shinji Kagawa

Spotting the much-pitied Japan star wandering the halls of Old Trafford rather sadly before kick-off, Suarez tells Kagawa there’s been a late change to the United team-sheet and that he has been drafted in for the rarest of starts. There hasn’t, though, and Kagawa breaks down in tears when he realises the ruse.

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Shears Marouane Fellaini

Now aware that biting is a football faux pas (it only took him two instances of nipping an opponent to realise) Suarez instead seeks a new method of unsettling foes and sneaks a pair of clippers into his shorts before pinning Fellaini down in the centre circle and giving him a number one all over.

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Interrupts post-match interviews to hold a linguistics debate

As Liverpool fans were keen to tell anyone within earshot as speculation raged that the use of the word ‘negrito’ would be crucial to Suarez’s FA hearing (it wasn’t even mentioned in the report), Javier Hernandez once used the word during his time at Chivas when speaking about a team-mate. Still incensed at the perceived injustice of his punishment, Suarez gatecrashes Hernandez’s man-of-the-match interview to pester him about the evolution of linguistics and cultural norms in South America.

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