• Newcastle United Message Board

  • viwer viwer Nov 12, 2007 20:06 Flag

    Middlesboro to bid for 3008 Olympics

    Middlesboro, the desolate urban northern wasteland town intends to make audacious bid as host city for the Olympic Games in 3008.
    Jubilant city leaders and officials announced the decision after they surfaced from a weekend bingeing session in a disused coal shed in a railway siding near to the town centre.
    Looking somewhat haggard and bleary eyed they said they called the meeting to a close after the supplies of candles ran out and Mayor Norman Turdbuglar was carted off to Middlesboro General Hospital for a stomach pump.
    Designated spokesman for the group Councillor Arthur Scummit said the would first like to thank the kind sponsors (Netto) who supplied them with 247 bottles(stale) red wine and 444 out of date cans of lager and also the anonymous sponsor who dropped of half a pound of tack to help sustain the group for this important convention.

    Scummit said they had spent 2 long days and nights devising a scheme that would lift Middlesboro into the 21st century. In this far reaching vision they propose that Middlebro should be the host city for the 3008 Olympics. Scummit said "We can change this F***** place.... I mean great city for the better - we just need some time". he added that by the year 3000 spitting, long distance #$%$, pool and darts are sure to be olympian sports and Mbro has unequalled depth of talent in these fields and will be well placed to take advantage of this in 3008.

    Doubts were immediately raised by leading figures in the community

    Anthropologist Sir Bernard Manning said that given the natural rate of evolutionary change 3008 looks rather ambitious for a place like Middlesboro adding "I myself have doubts whether genetic, security, social and pollution issues would be resolved by then. In evolutionary terms this type of change equates to a pre-historic creature getting off all fours and into the walking position - this takes some time and I can't say that the Boro is ready

    Peter Mandelson gay former MP of Middlesboro's twin sister town of Hartlepool(15 minutes vomiting distance south of Middlesbrough) said" I know where these men are coming from - excuse the pun - but although Middlesboro has a reputation for many records (ASBO, Pollution and medieval plagues) unfortunately it is the wrong kind - and certainly nothing to do with athleticism .

    Lord Chubert Brown who resides in hilltop mansion overlooking the smouldering waste in the Teeside Valley said "No F******** chance"

    However these comments have not deterrred these determined city officials who said that they will meet next month in "The Used Johnnie" public house where they will draw up a plan to present to the World Olympic committee together with a 50p deposit contributed by Boro chairperson Steve Gibson. Work will immediatley begin in Middlesboro with removal of graffiti from ambulances, police cars and fire engines.


    The Cast (in order of appearance)

    Norman Turdburglar...........played by..........................Ken Livingstone
    Arthur Scummit........................................................... Arthur Scargill
    Sir Bernard Manning.....................................................Lord Jeffrey Archer
    Peter Mandelson...........................................................Larry Grayson
    Lord Chubbert Brown...................................................Bernard Manning
    Man at bar......................................................................Boro Doug
    2nd man at bar................................................................CJ Mbro
    Man in Dole Queue........................................................Gareth Southgate
    Swimming pool attendant..............................................Michael Barrymore
    Steve Gibson..................................................................Roman Abramovich

    SortNewest  |  Oldest  |  Most Replied Expand all replies