Border officials at the outskirts of the Afghanistan capital Kabul were surprised at the sight of a white transit van approaching the city limit check points. The vehicle stopped and over 40 people poured out onto the dusty roads kissing the ground and pleading for asylum in Kabul.
The people are all thought to originate from the desolate and depraved city called Middlesboro which lies on the north east coast of England. Most of the occupants could be identified by mis-spelt tattoos which, is said to be trademark of natives of this area and curiously many of the males had the words GARETH..GLITTER tattooed across their buttocks.
The border officials said these people were in desperate shape and had been through some traumatic experiences living in this dreadful town. Local Afghan people were quick to come forward with supplies of food and clothing for these unexpected visitors.
After the chaos of the arrival - the United Nations medicals teams carried out medical checks and herded the 45 smoggies into a compound where they were hosed down and sprayed with camel lice repellent. After a few days the officials will process their applications for asylum and release them into the Kabul community. Local Afghans were full of sympathy for these people - one said "seeing these people and hearing the stories about Middlesboro really makes us appreciate how good we have it here in Kabul" Another said "what an **#$%$ of a place it must be" -- as a mortar flew overhead and destroyed a poppy factor 150 metres way.
Some of the fleeing refugees where happy to talk saying they were relieved to escape this bleak and depraved outpost. One of them Albert Smackhead formerly of Stokesley said - "this seems like a nice place - but in some ways it looks a bit like the boro as hardly any of the houses here have windows in either". Another Beryl Buck-up said we could live a quieter life here than in Middlesboro and the "tack" wasn't as expensive here in Kabul and they were really looking forward to the poppy parties to help them erase them memories of Middlesboro.
A senior Middlesboro City Council Official, speaking on the condition of anonymity(Norman Turdburglar) said "This F******G place!"