• Liverpool Message Board

  • A Yahoo! User Jun 10, 2010 17:14 Flag

    One for your wives, girlfriend, partners.

    Ok, you have had you annual girly night out to watch 'Sex In The City 2", but now it's time for the serious stuff.

    The World Cup begins in one days time, so remember The Rules: I don't want to see you unless you are carrying a cold beer or a sandwich, No asking, "Ooh, who is he ... I like his thighs", (In fact, no f*cing talking), The only physical contact will be my blowjob when England win. No flags out of the kitching window acting like you give a f*ck, all soaps are banned, probably cancelled anyhow.

    Now f*ck off and we'll speak again in July :).

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    • To Women… World Cup Rules and regulations at Home
      In Los Maniachis on May 4, 2010 at 08:24

      Dear Wife / Sweetheart /Girl Friend / Partner / whomever it may concern,

      1.Between 11 June and 11 July 2010, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware what is going regarding the World of Soccer, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving my attention.
      2.During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).
      3.If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor without distracting me.4.During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell on the floor…. It won’t happen.
      5.It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on (excluding your body parts), and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
      6.Please, please please!!! If you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say “get over it, it’s only a game”, or “don’t worry, they’ll win next time”. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called “words of encouragement” will only lead to a break up or divorce.
      7.You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the half time scores is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying “one” games; hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to “spend time together”.
      8.The replays of the goals are very important. I don’t care if I have seen them or I haven’t seen them, I want to see them again, MANY TIMES!
      9.Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
      a) I will not go,
      b) I will not go, and
      c) I will not go.

      10.But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in flash.
      11.The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying “but you have already seen this….why don’t you change the channel to something we can all watch?” because the reply will be, “Refer to Rule #2 of the list”.
      12.And finally, please save your expressions such as “Thank God the World Cup is only very 4 years”. I am immune to these words, because before and after this comes the Champions League, Premier League, Italian League, Spanish League, KPL, FA cup, Euro Cup, etc…

    • Hmm, still don't wanna risk it so I bought 3 or 4 rolls of gaffa tape. In fact my ex, whilst watching an England game, pointed to our own Stevie G and said "is that Rooney". Like I said my ex!

    • me and my 4 halfyear old son always watch all the matches ,for his age he is awsome he knows all the players and what no they all are and can even sing field of anfield road and ynwa i have got him totally brainwashed,after years of trying finally it happened our lass has just buoght a new england top and liverpool top and the lad got a new strip too,i was in total shock, i got fcuk all

    • My wife has said that she wants to go somewhere she has never been before, somewhere warm and where there is plenty to do.
      So i told her i would.I said to her close your eyes and i will take you there.She did as she was told (for once) and i guided her at an easy pace to the kitchen,switched on the light and shouted, surprise you havent been here for years .

    • Been looking for a Rent-A-Maid website but can't find any ;).

    • Sounds like one of Keanes infamous misses for us in front of goal. ;oD

    • I simply don't have the answer Robert ;).

    • Spot on mate