• Middlesbrough Message Board

  • viwer viwer Apr 28, 2007 17:30 Flag

    Woodgate secures his house In MBoro

    Now that Jonathan Woodgate has decided to stay at Middlebrough he has decided to seek expert advice on ways of securing his palatial home on the outskirts of smogglesboro.
    He has been seen going back forwards to B&Q and army and navy stores with a large shopping list for the following items

    1. 100 rolls of barbed wire fencing
    2. security locks for dustbins
    3. armour plated gas meter
    4. emergency telephone (to Police in Madrid) cos they'll get ther before Cleveland police would
    5. Anti climb paint
    6. Burglar/Con man/Thief/Fraudster alarm
    7. Smelly Sock and Body odour Detector
    8. 2 mobile water cannon units contining detto and domestos
    9. Alarm system for sewers
    10. electrified drain piepes
    11. 4 Watchtower with gun turrets and search lights
    12. 4 RPG 7 rocket launcers
    13. 2nd hand patriot missile system(convereted to deal with #$%$ and flying turds)
    14. 12 Rottwelliers
    15. 4 meter high concrete wall (cast offs from gaza strip)
    16. Quadruple glazed bullet proof windows with finger jamming device.
    17. Smog detector
    18. Foot and mouth washdown points at front gate


    Woodgate said - its a lot of trouble to go to to stay in this hell hole - but Madrid didn't want me back.

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    • Good crack this one keep them coming.....I for one thought that the small hamlet of Newcastle was fast becoming one of the suburbs of The big city of smogland...so are you sure Woodgate is not moving to Newcastle with all the other folk who like to fight when they get a beer inside them...aka his Leeds days!
      (isn't that a sign of not been able of handling the drink?!)


      however I am looking forward to some cracking games next year between the NE clubs. love em or hate em the makems are playing well under RK.

      Keep up the good banter.....come on boro!!

      • 2 Replies to expat_smoggie
      • Yep, makes a nice change having some good banter on the boards, muscle box does come up with some pretty funny posts even if they are anti Teesside, at least its done in the humorous sense. And yes credit due to Mags_on_tour for his positive remarks about Woodgate.....even though his 'local area knowledge' is in doubt....I just hope he doesn’t work for the fookin Post office too cos between him and postman Mike I might never get me Giro this week ; )

      • Yep, makes a nice change having some good banter on the boards, muscle box does come up with some pretty funny posts even if they are anti Teesside, at least its done in the humorous sense. And yes credit due to Mags_on_tour for his positive remarks about Woodgate.....even though his 'local area knowledge' is in doubt....I just hope he doesn’t work for the fookin Post office too cos between him and postman Mike I might never get me Giro this week ; )

    • *Yawn*

      If Wynyard is classed as the Tees Valley area so is all of #$%$ Teesside you #$%$ infact you'll find out that Tees Valley\Teesside is the same place, it's just 2 different names for the same area, even Teesside Uni uses the address "Tees Valley" on its website.

      Now if you read my previous post you would have noticed something quite obvious and it went on the lines of "The area (including Hartlepool) is known as 'Teesside' for some purposes, and with Darlington the term Tees Valley is becoming more popular in the press and with local government, although it continues to be generally unused and unrecognised by the actual residents of this area."

      That give the hint away that’s its the same area just used differently also for a company to promote themselves which looks better Teesside or Tees Valley?? I'll give you a clue its not Teesside

      If you’re still unsure, read this link http://www.visitteesvalley.co.uk/site/tees-valley and they maybe visit this one as well http://www.visitteesvalley.co.uk/site/contact-us/contact-list.

      Hell my girlfriend’s from Gateshead and even she knows that Tees Valley and Teesside are the same area.

    • I neither have a red face nor feel like a right t*at dark_smog, because I expected some lame reply from one of you argumentative lot somewhere down the line over this...

      ...Wynyard is classed as the Tees Valley area, its as simple as that bud!

      I dont care what you reckon, or what the actual residents are saying about it all, but theres a Wynyard address for all to see on that link in my last post.

      And theres no bloody mention of TEESSIDE on the address there, is there?

      Argue the case until your blue in the face as far as I'm concerned fella, I'm just stating what I see as fact as its documented and even online for all to see, your just going by 'Old Yockle local' terms and making yourself look as daft as coulby the postie wannabe!

      F*ck me! all of this because I wished Jonathan Woodgate all the best in his future at Middlesbrough FC? You c*nts turn everything into an argument.

    • Coulby boy you dont half post a lot of #$%$ humiliated again by Mag you should take a leaf out of CJ and Smoggies book show some humility and be constructive people might take you seriously then.

    • Show some humour you sad bastards, it was good ---you boys dont half bite.

      • 2 Replies to Zambezi
      • do you remember it was Coulbymike(you know what they say about postal workers don't you?) who popped up on the Newcastle board with: "Shit town, Shit team -Discuss"?

        He got his arse severely burned and done a runner only to pop up whinging when some one says anything about the awful place he lives in (There's a sign on the A19 that says "Cleveland County Council kindly asks visitors not to look")

        Did you know also that in the supermarket in Middleborough you can buy air fresheners in the fragrances of Cats Piss, Dog Turd and Curry House Vomit? Anything to freshen the place up

    • Strange how most of NUFC scum live or lived in Wynyard( TEESSIDE!!) and NOT in the slum suburb of Sunderland (TYNESIDE)

      Cant recall any Boro players wanting to live the drab n dreary toonside!!!

      • 1 Reply to michael h
      • I for one, am very pleased to see that Jonathan Woodgate has signed for Middlesbrough FC, NUFC treatment tables overcrowded as it is!!! he he he he! Just kidding!

        Seriously though, its nice to actually see a player choosing the club he supported as a kid over the higher wages and larger crowds watching that any of the bigger clubs like your Manchester United's, Arsenal's, Liverpool's etc (and not forgetting the TOON) of this world could have offered him.

        Alan Shearer did pretty much the same thing when he signed for NUFC and got years of #$%$ from the Manchester United fans for it, which is something that Jonathan Woodgate WONT get from the Geordies, as we can appreciate local loyality!

        I'll just point out to the smoggie fans who continually bad mouth NUFC & the Geordies, that the Toon did NOT try and sign Woodgate on a full time basis! ok lads? Have you finally got that one?

        Yes! NUFC did offer to take Woodgate on loan from Real Madrid at the beginning of the season, but the Toon were entitled to do that, its was in his contract clause with Real Madrid, and he was a Toon player before he was a Boro one if you remember?

        Now, please try to bear in mind that Woodgate himself apparently approached Southgate a few weeks back, and made it clear that he wanted to play for Boro on a permenant basis, and that they should buy him...

        ...this has nothing to do with NUFC being interested in him, NUFC fans, Geordies or Tyne & Wear as an area itself, so can you smoggies please try and get over yourselves.

        Oh! and I thought Wynyard is within the Tees Valley area? not actually on Teesside or in Middlesbrough itself? It must be a bit of an embarresment when a Geordie knows more about your own geographical area, than you so called locals do?

        Anyhow, Good luck Jonathan Woodgate at Boro, lets hope he enjoys an injury free career now!

    • Awww what’s the matter lost out on another defender you had no chance of getting, so you thought you'd come and spam the Boro board.

      You do realise he's Boro born and bread and do something decent for once in your life and jump off the Tyne bridge, preferably fall on something hard to break not just for your fall.

      You sad sad Geordie.